Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Please help
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 529899" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Ok, to go back to your original post and the problems you are actually having... One of the things that struck me was that your son will not play by himself in the house and wants to follow you everywhere. This does indeed seem anxious and as if he is seeking reassurance of your love. Has it always been like this? It is so difficult, of course, to pronounce on the words that someone has written on an internet forum, so just very tentatively I offer the thought that I wonder whether you are all caught in a very oppositional and negative cycle of behaviour that has your son and you as parents <strong>reacting</strong> all the time in a spiral that gets ever more intense and hostile, with your son constantly "acting out"? My own sense, based on what you have said, is that I would immediately drop the time outs... they are clearly not working in the sense of producing the desired behaviour and are just leading to intense battles. What is the point, really? With these differently wired (for whatever reason) kids, we have to change our parenting style. You've read all the right books! How about trying to work on the premise - I know how completely hard it is - that your son is not deliberately trying to aggravate you or be difficult but is suffering in some way that he cannot help? </p><p>With my own son - ADHD symptoms, extremely strong willed, potentially very oppositional - I have seen that what works is affection and positive reinforcement, although it is also true that he needs strong limits. For us, there has been some attachment issues, I think - and I wonder too if this is what is happening in your case, as you have been driven apart by the negative behaviour and reactions? I wonder what would happen if your son felt loved and understood, not punished? In saying that, please understand that I <strong>know totally how difficult it is to implement that</strong>, how completely understandable and natural it is to feel as you feel (been there done that) and that it is just something to try, a trend to attempt to establish. </p><p>Does your son suffer from any sensory or other issues? I have noticed how very sensitive my son is to being tired or hungry and how that affects his behaviour negatively. I have also learnt to take the "meltdowns" with a huge pinch of salt. I no longer react to them or act, most of the time, as if he is being deliberately naughty or difficult by exploding in this way... I have seen, time and again, how if I do this, the storm quickly passes and something of the relationship has been restored. You also have a partner and another child to consider... this obviously changes the dynamic. But I still feel the key to this may well be in the relationship with your son.</p><p>I don't know if any of this helps. I hope it does, a little.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 529899, member: 11227"] Ok, to go back to your original post and the problems you are actually having... One of the things that struck me was that your son will not play by himself in the house and wants to follow you everywhere. This does indeed seem anxious and as if he is seeking reassurance of your love. Has it always been like this? It is so difficult, of course, to pronounce on the words that someone has written on an internet forum, so just very tentatively I offer the thought that I wonder whether you are all caught in a very oppositional and negative cycle of behaviour that has your son and you as parents [B]reacting[/B] all the time in a spiral that gets ever more intense and hostile, with your son constantly "acting out"? My own sense, based on what you have said, is that I would immediately drop the time outs... they are clearly not working in the sense of producing the desired behaviour and are just leading to intense battles. What is the point, really? With these differently wired (for whatever reason) kids, we have to change our parenting style. You've read all the right books! How about trying to work on the premise - I know how completely hard it is - that your son is not deliberately trying to aggravate you or be difficult but is suffering in some way that he cannot help? With my own son - ADHD symptoms, extremely strong willed, potentially very oppositional - I have seen that what works is affection and positive reinforcement, although it is also true that he needs strong limits. For us, there has been some attachment issues, I think - and I wonder too if this is what is happening in your case, as you have been driven apart by the negative behaviour and reactions? I wonder what would happen if your son felt loved and understood, not punished? In saying that, please understand that I [B]know totally how difficult it is to implement that[/B], how completely understandable and natural it is to feel as you feel (been there done that) and that it is just something to try, a trend to attempt to establish. Does your son suffer from any sensory or other issues? I have noticed how very sensitive my son is to being tired or hungry and how that affects his behaviour negatively. I have also learnt to take the "meltdowns" with a huge pinch of salt. I no longer react to them or act, most of the time, as if he is being deliberately naughty or difficult by exploding in this way... I have seen, time and again, how if I do this, the storm quickly passes and something of the relationship has been restored. You also have a partner and another child to consider... this obviously changes the dynamic. But I still feel the key to this may well be in the relationship with your son. I don't know if any of this helps. I hope it does, a little. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Please help
Top