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Parent Emeritus
Please - No "I told you so"
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 348922" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I'm not judging either - so just get that thought out of the way - lol. </p><p> </p><p>I think if you could think of your son as someone else for a moment. Someone who is NOT related to you. Someone who you didn't know, a stranger. Then ask yourself from that point of view - "If this person treated me like he does, how would I react?" Use some of those thoughts and reactions to help you get over how you deal with the situations at hand? You'd really be a lot better AND you'd detach a lot easier from the matters at hand. </p><p> </p><p>It shouldn't matter that the person who is doing these things to you in your home is your son. Son should be a privledged relationship. One of love, respect and kindness. When those behaviors cease? You should be able to find it within yourself to treat that person the same way you would anyone else on the street that treats you like dirt. Ask yourself....if I were sitting in my living room...and a stranger came in my house, stoned, and left all my doors open and then brought illegal drugs into my home - HOW would I react to this? </p><p> </p><p>Without going overboard sometimes I wonder why we really give lattitude to family - and does it help them at all especially if we keep saying "This is your LAST time." I mean they get used to the idea that we must have at least 10 last times in us before they really get some kind of consequence. So I get why they blow up and get angry with us when we DO level a consequence after the 8th LAST time. We've done it to ourselves. </p><p> </p><p>I'm currently going through this realization myself. I thought I had done well - but now? When I say - NO, I mean no, NOW...not 2 times from now.....NOW. And the results aren't so pretty - but on the backside? There is no 2, 3 and 4th time of bull for me to deal with and I'm enjoying that. Right down to - "Um no---you can't stay here for 2 days - find a hotel room when you come to town, I already told you that." and I meant what I said. </p><p> </p><p>It's hard, but....it's not my problem. </p><p> </p><p>And as far as the marijuana? The stuff they grow today? Not like it was years ago, so you may want to rethink the only marijuana thought. The stuff today according to someone I know that used to grow and distrubute? Is poison and they wouldn't touch it for anything. Not saying it's all like that but even the smell is nasty. Just be careful. I know you're doing your absolute best. You're in my thoughts and hugs.....Sending you the rhino suit (freshly drycleaned) </p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 348922, member: 4964"] I'm not judging either - so just get that thought out of the way - lol. I think if you could think of your son as someone else for a moment. Someone who is NOT related to you. Someone who you didn't know, a stranger. Then ask yourself from that point of view - "If this person treated me like he does, how would I react?" Use some of those thoughts and reactions to help you get over how you deal with the situations at hand? You'd really be a lot better AND you'd detach a lot easier from the matters at hand. It shouldn't matter that the person who is doing these things to you in your home is your son. Son should be a privledged relationship. One of love, respect and kindness. When those behaviors cease? You should be able to find it within yourself to treat that person the same way you would anyone else on the street that treats you like dirt. Ask yourself....if I were sitting in my living room...and a stranger came in my house, stoned, and left all my doors open and then brought illegal drugs into my home - HOW would I react to this? Without going overboard sometimes I wonder why we really give lattitude to family - and does it help them at all especially if we keep saying "This is your LAST time." I mean they get used to the idea that we must have at least 10 last times in us before they really get some kind of consequence. So I get why they blow up and get angry with us when we DO level a consequence after the 8th LAST time. We've done it to ourselves. I'm currently going through this realization myself. I thought I had done well - but now? When I say - NO, I mean no, NOW...not 2 times from now.....NOW. And the results aren't so pretty - but on the backside? There is no 2, 3 and 4th time of bull for me to deal with and I'm enjoying that. Right down to - "Um no---you can't stay here for 2 days - find a hotel room when you come to town, I already told you that." and I meant what I said. It's hard, but....it's not my problem. And as far as the marijuana? The stuff they grow today? Not like it was years ago, so you may want to rethink the only marijuana thought. The stuff today according to someone I know that used to grow and distrubute? Is poison and they wouldn't touch it for anything. Not saying it's all like that but even the smell is nasty. Just be careful. I know you're doing your absolute best. You're in my thoughts and hugs.....Sending you the rhino suit (freshly drycleaned) Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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