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Please - No "I told you so"
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 350147" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I missed all of this when we were out of town, but I wanted to let you know that I think you are doing well. One thing that made it easier for us to not rescue was to take all of the extra beds out of our home. Of course, we don't really get to have company, but there's no bed for our kids. Period. It's terrible that you found him passed out like that, it must have broken your heart. When we think about it, I think we all know that this is something that could happen in your home just as easily as it can happen in someone else's or "out on the streets". Though, in reality, very few of our kids end up truly on the streets. They always find someone to put them on the sofa or the spare room. That's why they don't appreciate the value of a bed.</p><p></p><p>This is more a comment in general rather than to you in particular, but I think it fits in well with what you are posting. I know some of the folks here see what is being said in PE as "kicking them out into the streets" or "abandoning" our difficult children. In all of my time here I don't ever remember anyone advising someone to kick their kid out to the street or abandon their kid. I've seen people advise others to make their home their own. I know that a well behaved responsible kid would be welcome in our home if there were some unavoidable circumstance that led them there. But when our kids know our rules and break them, <em>they</em> are walking out of our lives and into the streets. Or into the life of whoever is foolish enough to buy into their nonsense. We're the grown ups here. We get to choose to live happy and productive lives, just as our difficult children do. Some of them just haven't chosen to do that yet. Of <em>course</em> it's disappointing to us and it hurts. But that's their choice, not our abandonment.</p><p></p><p>Enough of my soapbox, now. Feel good about what you are doing. He will do what he will do. What you feel or think about it won't change what he does.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 350147, member: 99"] I missed all of this when we were out of town, but I wanted to let you know that I think you are doing well. One thing that made it easier for us to not rescue was to take all of the extra beds out of our home. Of course, we don't really get to have company, but there's no bed for our kids. Period. It's terrible that you found him passed out like that, it must have broken your heart. When we think about it, I think we all know that this is something that could happen in your home just as easily as it can happen in someone else's or "out on the streets". Though, in reality, very few of our kids end up truly on the streets. They always find someone to put them on the sofa or the spare room. That's why they don't appreciate the value of a bed. This is more a comment in general rather than to you in particular, but I think it fits in well with what you are posting. I know some of the folks here see what is being said in PE as "kicking them out into the streets" or "abandoning" our difficult children. In all of my time here I don't ever remember anyone advising someone to kick their kid out to the street or abandon their kid. I've seen people advise others to make their home their own. I know that a well behaved responsible kid would be welcome in our home if there were some unavoidable circumstance that led them there. But when our kids know our rules and break them, [I]they[/I] are walking out of our lives and into the streets. Or into the life of whoever is foolish enough to buy into their nonsense. We're the grown ups here. We get to choose to live happy and productive lives, just as our difficult children do. Some of them just haven't chosen to do that yet. Of [I]course[/I] it's disappointing to us and it hurts. But that's their choice, not our abandonment. Enough of my soapbox, now. Feel good about what you are doing. He will do what he will do. What you feel or think about it won't change what he does. [/QUOTE]
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