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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 213412" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>ML, it's emotional neediness and it's part of the insecurity that is part of the disorders. Think about the world from his point of view - it is confusing, it is scary, it is unpredictable - he needs to constantly be sure of what he CAN be sure of.</p><p></p><p>In any relationship, we see other people as not putting in the same effort we do. it's normal to feel this way but for an insecure, off-balance child it is hard for them to really understand this. You need to be a strong, self-assured person to know this and he definitely is not.</p><p></p><p>Keep reassuring him, show him. One of the best ways to show him is a variation on "random acts of kindness". Let hi see you do this to other people too - I make a point of telling someone if I think their shirt is a lovely colour and brings out the best in their skin, or if their hair looks lovely, or if they have a beautiful smile. Now do the same for him. Catch him out being good and tell him how pleased you are with him. But even when things are bad, make it clear - you always love him, even if you don't always love the things he does.</p><p></p><p>We WERE where you are now. But not any more - difficult child 3 now acts surprised and puzzled when people ask him when he last felt worthless. Like, "Stupid question - never, of course!"</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 213412, member: 1991"] ML, it's emotional neediness and it's part of the insecurity that is part of the disorders. Think about the world from his point of view - it is confusing, it is scary, it is unpredictable - he needs to constantly be sure of what he CAN be sure of. In any relationship, we see other people as not putting in the same effort we do. it's normal to feel this way but for an insecure, off-balance child it is hard for them to really understand this. You need to be a strong, self-assured person to know this and he definitely is not. Keep reassuring him, show him. One of the best ways to show him is a variation on "random acts of kindness". Let hi see you do this to other people too - I make a point of telling someone if I think their shirt is a lovely colour and brings out the best in their skin, or if their hair looks lovely, or if they have a beautiful smile. Now do the same for him. Catch him out being good and tell him how pleased you are with him. But even when things are bad, make it clear - you always love him, even if you don't always love the things he does. We WERE where you are now. But not any more - difficult child 3 now acts surprised and puzzled when people ask him when he last felt worthless. Like, "Stupid question - never, of course!" difficult child 3 [/QUOTE]
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