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PLEASE someone be online...this is LONG
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<blockquote data-quote="busywend" data-source="post: 67363" data-attributes="member: 391"><p>BBK, your difficult child is only 6. That is something to keep in mind while determining the expectations you set on her. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child at 16 can not clean her room on her own. She needs step by step instructions - and even then it still sometimes ends up in a meltdown. I tell her, 'go pick up all the clothes and come back when that is done.' Sometimes that is all she can take for the day - it is not manipulation - I have watched this kid go through this for years. If she comes back with pride she will be able to keep going. It is almost a game in her mind - one we played when she was younger. Then I will send her in to pick up all the books, or papers, or whatever else is on the floor. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child knows how to do laundry. But, frankly, I do not trust her with the new maching machine. She will overfill it, or use too much soap. It is not due to defiance (which she exhibits frequently) but it is due to not being able to focus on the task at hand. I require her to bring her dishes to the sink - not in the dishwasher. I have tried many times to teach her how to load it. Not capable yet (at least to my own comfort level), but I will keep trying every 6 months or so. </p><p></p><p>At 6, there are probably many methods to try before you move to 'making life easier' by doing it all yourself. I know many members do not get that concept - especially if there is not tremendous defiance by their child. I get it. I did it, not until 12, but I did it. Mostly because I could not stand to live in the warzone and I did not see it as being healthy for her either. </p><p></p><p>Yes, I tried it all. Every possible method including practically standing on my head to get her to do what I asked of her. It only ended up in a battle. </p><p>I was told I was too hard on her, too strict, too easy, too...you name it I was accused of it. BECAUSE I HAD TRIED ALL OF THOSE METHODS of parenting my child. I tried it all. Still, battleground. I decided it was not healthy for us to live that way and I stopped asking her to clean her room or take a shower or brush her teeth. I went for natural consequences. Maybe if she realizes her favorite shirt smells, she will put it in the laundry. Nope. She would just wear stinky clothes. We are JUST getting to the point that she cares if she stinks. </p><p></p><p>What helps me when I hear others tell me I need to 'whatever they suggest' is to truly know and believe I did everything every possible way with little to no positive results. I am ready for the wide shoulders I will need when she is older and I am blamed for everything. </p><p>I also know that other people will never understand my household and my parenting techniques. It is OK. I know in my heart I am a great mom. I have done the best I could ever do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="busywend, post: 67363, member: 391"] BBK, your difficult child is only 6. That is something to keep in mind while determining the expectations you set on her. My difficult child at 16 can not clean her room on her own. She needs step by step instructions - and even then it still sometimes ends up in a meltdown. I tell her, 'go pick up all the clothes and come back when that is done.' Sometimes that is all she can take for the day - it is not manipulation - I have watched this kid go through this for years. If she comes back with pride she will be able to keep going. It is almost a game in her mind - one we played when she was younger. Then I will send her in to pick up all the books, or papers, or whatever else is on the floor. My difficult child knows how to do laundry. But, frankly, I do not trust her with the new maching machine. She will overfill it, or use too much soap. It is not due to defiance (which she exhibits frequently) but it is due to not being able to focus on the task at hand. I require her to bring her dishes to the sink - not in the dishwasher. I have tried many times to teach her how to load it. Not capable yet (at least to my own comfort level), but I will keep trying every 6 months or so. At 6, there are probably many methods to try before you move to 'making life easier' by doing it all yourself. I know many members do not get that concept - especially if there is not tremendous defiance by their child. I get it. I did it, not until 12, but I did it. Mostly because I could not stand to live in the warzone and I did not see it as being healthy for her either. Yes, I tried it all. Every possible method including practically standing on my head to get her to do what I asked of her. It only ended up in a battle. I was told I was too hard on her, too strict, too easy, too...you name it I was accused of it. BECAUSE I HAD TRIED ALL OF THOSE METHODS of parenting my child. I tried it all. Still, battleground. I decided it was not healthy for us to live that way and I stopped asking her to clean her room or take a shower or brush her teeth. I went for natural consequences. Maybe if she realizes her favorite shirt smells, she will put it in the laundry. Nope. She would just wear stinky clothes. We are JUST getting to the point that she cares if she stinks. What helps me when I hear others tell me I need to 'whatever they suggest' is to truly know and believe I did everything every possible way with little to no positive results. I am ready for the wide shoulders I will need when she is older and I am blamed for everything. I also know that other people will never understand my household and my parenting techniques. It is OK. I know in my heart I am a great mom. I have done the best I could ever do. [/QUOTE]
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