Poof the devil disappeard

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by newstart, Feb 15, 2018.

  1. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Valentines day my daughter asked me if I wanted to join her to go shopping. We both love cheese so we are always on the lookout for decent cheese. She picks me up, her eyes are clear, she is relaxed looking. I get in her car, she tells me I look nice. She turns her phone off. We shop, laugh and act like friends. It is hard to realize she recently ripped me off a large amount of money and has lied to me constantly for a damn long time. I try to replenish my heart with this little time of kindness.. I try to live in the here and now....but my mind and now heart understands that she is still a snake.'You can't make a bad deal with a good person' Also you can't make a good deal with a bad person.
    She takes me back home comes inside and we share the wonderful cheese. She hugs me good bye and tells me how much she loves me.

    I have neighbors watching the driveway to her house and so far 1/2 ass boyfriend has not been over. That does not mean she quit seeing him, it just means he has not come over to our rent home, I have seen him around at her spa weeks ago.
    When my daughter is not manic we do many things together. We attend classes, lectures, work shops. My mother and grandmother did many things together, I see mothers and daughters all over the place doing fun things together. It is very hard when my daughter goes off the rails and we are in the middle of a class or workshop. We try things we have never done before and even have traveled out of the country to attend classes.
    The only thing that sets my daughter's mania to the moon is when she is in a love relationship. I can remember my hormones all wacky when I was in love. Being in love does mess with hormones and other chemical things happen. I know I acted odd when newly in love but never mean or trying to harm or rip off people. When my daughter falls in love a demon takes complete control over her. She can not have a relationship with a man and with her family at the same time. She gets mad if the guy talks to me and tries to keep the men and us apart, I think so we can't compare the lies.
    My bipolar sister in law was the same way, dating the same type of awful men that used and abused her.
    And I am positive she was no picnic either.
    My daughter maybe out of the relationship since she is trying to plan things with me..
    Life is short, fragile and unpredictable..No way would I be out doing things with anyone else that has treated me so awful. Why am I still doing things with her? She will be ok until the next man she meets and then back to square 1. She has even told me that she does not think she should date because her hormones go all wacky.

    I would love for her to find a decent partner. It is my deepest prayer. She has had several good men, even men that want to work it out knowing she has a disorder. I think good men bore her and awful men keep her manic the entire time..I do not see how she can break this horrible pattern without therapy or medication, but she has to be the one that wants it..She refuses medication.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have two daughters that are nice to me and don't change even in love.Your daughters reactions are not the norm. She is not a teen and immaturely hormonal. And with her wild moodswings and nice days and hideous days, which you believe are mania but I think are typicalt borderlne PD (doesn't really matter since she wont get a second evaluation or treatment) will not make her enjoy a stable man. Like attractive to like. My 57 year old sister (yes 57) is looking too and finds nice men too but in the end she likes riskttaking losers even in her senior years. I don't get it. As you don't.

    in my opinion regarding daughter you need to be especially careful when she is being nice. She could want something. So she knows how to soften your heart. Who would know better? This doesn't mean for sure that she does want a favor from you but nobody as erratic as your not so young daughter changes without therapy, medications and the will. People take years to change even with therapy.

    Although her boyfriend sounds flawed, at the very least, thank God, he doesn't hit her. I see him differently than you and would see him the same way even if he were my daughters boyfriend. In fact my oldest has a SO I am not crazy about. I know my daughter can do better. However I think both our daughters chose these men because of their issues and that getting rid of the SO would not change the way they act or feel about themselves.

    My youngest daughter, on the other hand, who is confident chose a great partner. She would not settle for a jerk and has refused many jerks. I do have a good relationship with both of my girl's men because I want my girls to feel safe talking to me and want to be welcome to see my granddaughter and do not want to cause trouble with my beloved oldest daughter with her SO. She is not leaving him any time soon. Plus he is my precious granddaughter's father. We can not pick for our daughters. And they miraculously won't change if Mr. X. suddenly leaves.

    I think you should cherish all your good days but dont let your guard down. Live one day at a time. I feel so bad for you. I truly would not know how to deal with such an erratic adult child who was nice one day then stole from me. I admit I never had this situation. But I know I would not think it's all better based on one day. I am too cynical.

    Love and light!:)
     
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    Last edited: Feb 15, 2018
  3. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    I agree SWOT, I will not let down my guard. I believe she is crystal clear about not getting anything material or money from me. Yesterday while shopping I did not buy her groceries or tell her 'let me help you with this'. If she has a few items I usually just put them with mine and buy them but that has ended. She ended up buying cheese and leaving 1/2 of it at my house. I know I have paid dearly for the cheese.
    Your 57 year old sister is still setting herself up for a life of misery. I sometimes think that misery is my daughters comfort zone that is why she dwells in it.
    This last battle with my daughters mania has me completely wore out. Things on my end are going to change for the better, she will keep her destructive pattern for a very long time but I have to find ways on how to detach in ways that are healthy and right for me. My relationship with my daughter has turned into the same as my sister in law. I blew sister in law off for 20 years and did not miss her. Sometimes it is who is not in your life that makes it better.. Not sure how long I can blow daughter off. I did for 3 months in 2010. It was very hard to do but had to show her that I will not tolerate her ugly behavior. Here I am back to her ugly behavior but this time magnified with the stealing.

    I am not looking for the devil but will be gone when I see his ugly face again.