Positive Vibes Needed

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by CrazyinVA, Nov 2, 2011.

  1. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm very worried about Oldest. She's gone through another cycle of getting hours cut to virtually nothing at work, and is facing eviction. This has happened countless times over the years, and she always lands on her feet.. This time, though, she seems more despondent and depressed than I've ever seen her. It also happened in less than 2 months, quicker than it's ever happened before. I think she's burned a lot of bridges with friends and former employers and it's all crashing down on her. She feels friendless and alone, and says she is too ashamed of her situation to even reach out for help from anyone even for a place to crash temporarily. She's made a few calls re unemployment and food stamps, but is hitting some walls, and can't seem to find the motivation to leave the house to go anywhere and apply. I don't think she's eating, and I don't think she's left the apartment since I dropped her off Saturday after taking her to a movie and lunch. I am picking her up after work and taking her to buy her some groceries.

    She's scaring me, frankly .. she's said and done some things that are concerning, like talking abut giving certain things away and thanking her sister for caring about her. Not manipulatively, as in the past, but, oddly. After she got mad at me for pushing her to do this or that to help herself, she said, "do you want to make me want to kill myself even more?" (which was a bit manupulative) I asked if she would please call the local crisis line for help, and she said no. She said she doesn't want to think about any of it. She is burying her head in the sand, and doesn't want to brainstorm with me about what to do next. I don't think it's to the point where I can call 911 about her, it's not overt enough and I know she'll deny it all.. but I am trying to keep in touch with her regularly at this point.

    Anyway .. please, put her in your prayers if you don't mind.. and send good vibes, positive energy, etc. this way. Hopefully this will end up being a turning point for her to change her life going forward, but right now, thing are pretty grim.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Keeping Oldest in prayers. It is such a blow to add on to her struggles to have to face the work stuff. It must be very scary for you to see that shift.

    Will continue to pray and think of you. Please keep us updated. luv, Dee (buddy)
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I will definitely send good vibes to her... And add her to my list of people I rattle & pretzel for. :hugs: to you, too.
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is sad. I'm sure it breaks your heart and is an awful worry to see her like this. Our difficult children have a hard time brainstorming and seem to live day-to-day. I will keep her in my prayers along with my difficult child who is not able to make ends meet either and will soon he homeless unless she can find a place to live and get some assistance.

    I'll bet you never thought this would happen to your family. Many hugs to you and your difficult child. I hope she finds help.

  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Add me to the list...plus I have my fingers crossed. Hugs. DDD
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sadly, I did think this would happen, and part of me knows it has to happen in order for her to make a long-term change. She can't keep living the life she's been living, forever. That doesn't make it any less painful, though. I just pray she can get through it and make changes that will stick this time, instead of temporary fixes to get her through to the next crisis. But she's so depressed right now.. that's my immediate worry at the moment.

    Thanks, everyone.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs C. I hope she finds it in herself to pull it together. That depression is really the most worrisome though. Im praying for her and you.
  8. Elsieshaye

    Elsieshaye Member

    Sending both of you my best vibes.
  9. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Sending you all my most positive vibes and a few prayers too...
  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Sending good vibes her way. Maybe the season/light change is making this time worse than usual?
  11. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Prayers and thoughts being sent your way!! Maybe remind her how she always gets on her feet so she will have faith that she will pull through again?
  12. keista

    keista New Member

    Positive vibes going out!
  13. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Sending prayers up and sending u hugs Rabbit
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Saying prayers for you both. It's hard to live through and it's sometimes even harder to watch.

  15. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I agree that her depression is a real concern. Prayers that she can lift herself up and forge ahead with a good plan. -RM
  16. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks everyone. She seemed better when I picked her up last night, I took her to the grocery store and got her some basics. I'm going to keep in close touch with her for now. I've given her some phone numbers for various assitance programs, she called all but the mental health one and is trying to find some help. I think she wants someone to just give her the money for her rent etc., though, so she can stay where she is, which doesn't solve the long-term issue of this repeated cycle. In fact, that's what happens every time, someone loans her money (which she never pays back), she scrapes along until the next job, moves, loses the next job, faces eviction again. To change that, she has got to get some help from doctors/therapists to change her behavior (or maybe file for disability, if she can get it). But she only sees short-term, Band-aid fixes in a crisis. And then once she's out of the crisis, she never gets around to fixing the long-term issues or following through on applications for long-term services (like the free clinic). She just lives until the next crisis comes.

    All I can do is "wait and see." And pray that she can keep the depression at bay or finally get help.
  17. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Aw CV, I know you must be scared for her. It's so frustrating when we can see where the path is leading - but we can't make our kids see it too. There's been quite a few positive stories on the board as of late and I will pretzel, rattle etc in hopes that yours will be one of them too. (Maybe there's a PE guardian angel flying around somewhere... and if so - let's hope some of the pixie dust lands on our kids too.)

    Try to focus on the positive things as of right now - she's trying to find some help -so however limited - she IS reaching out. A short term fix but maybe the first step in finding a long term fix. But at the least, she's semi active in finding a solution. I HATE "wait and see" (when God was handing out patience, the line was evidently too long for me and I skipped out LOL) but "wait and see" is some much better than DANGER DANGER DANGER.

    I am slowly learning from you all that a positive step is a positive step - even if it doesn't pay off at the time. It's a learning the right thing move and something that may stick in the corner of the mind.

    Keep in close touch, hug her tightly and we will hold you close in our thoughts...stay strong
  18. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just wanted to update you all. Oldest's depression seems to have passed, again. At least, the worst part of it. She's found a job, sort of, waitressing/bartending 3 or 4 days a week (this week and next week, anyway). It doesn't sound permanent. Still no place to live, and is just "squatting" in her current apartment. Her roommmates are not happy, but she's not gotten physically evicted yet. She says she keeps asking people if she can crash at their place, but so far the ones who are willing aren't on the bus line. I worry that one day I'll get a panicked call that her stuff is on the curb and she's locked out, but I'm trying not to think about it. She's not followed up on any of the calls she made last week re getting assistance, or filed any applications for assistance, as far as I know. This is very typical, she just ... loses interest and doesn't bother, once she finds a temporary fix.

    So, crisis averted, until the next one. I don't get how she can live this way, but that's the ongoing saga of Oldest's life.

    I appreciate all the prayers good thoughts.. I think they did help, even if this isn't really the outcome I'd hoped for. Maybe one day she'll get help, but I don't think it will be anytime soon.
  19. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm keeping a good thought for both of you.