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General Parenting
Possible ODD in my 16 year old. Wher to start?
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 507449" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Welcome aboard. You have found a wonderful site with caring people. Is she an only child? Do you all have any rules that have been successful with her? Questions, questions..lol. I'm wondering if she is displaying typcial teen angst. I have raised a bunch of teens over many years and it is a bit tricky as each one is different. The fact that she is doing well in school is wonderful. If there have been no major recent changes then likely substance abuse is not an issue. Those two factors are reason for celebration.</p><p></p><p>Many of us have found that we need to sift through teen behavior and focus on the issues of importance. Reading your post it sounds like she is being unpleasant at home and is trying to pull your chain by not eating meals with you. How obnoxious is her behavior? What, other than mealtime, is she using as a power play? </p><p></p><p>Parental tolerance varies alot. Likely others will post soon with their imput which may be entirely different than mine. What works for one family may not work for another..and finding the balance in your home is the goal. In our home, for example, I always prepared dinner and tried to avoid meals that I knew some of the kids hated. If they didn't want to share our meal it was no big deal. They could fix (and clean up, by the way) what they preferred to eat or they could just sit at the table and eat nothing. Sharing the time was mandated. What they ate was up to them. We had no arguments about that. Regarding keeping their rooms I had to chill with later teens as it was a losing battle.</p><p>Again, for me, it was easier to lower my expectations and simply say "if your room is not clean keep your door closed" and then "if your room becomes vulgar you will be required to clean it up with or without my help". None of my teens ever wanted a parent going through their stuff so it rarely got completely out of hand. LOL</p><p></p><p>In slang this method is referred to as "choosing your baskets". You put your foot down on really important issues, try to compromise on medium issues and ignore the issues that are not of major relevance. Alot of times teens are seeking out conflict as they seek their self identity and try to rope the parents into negative responses. Perhaps it is time to do a basket sort. Welcome again. We're glad you found us and hope to be of help. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 507449, member: 35"] Welcome aboard. You have found a wonderful site with caring people. Is she an only child? Do you all have any rules that have been successful with her? Questions, questions..lol. I'm wondering if she is displaying typcial teen angst. I have raised a bunch of teens over many years and it is a bit tricky as each one is different. The fact that she is doing well in school is wonderful. If there have been no major recent changes then likely substance abuse is not an issue. Those two factors are reason for celebration. Many of us have found that we need to sift through teen behavior and focus on the issues of importance. Reading your post it sounds like she is being unpleasant at home and is trying to pull your chain by not eating meals with you. How obnoxious is her behavior? What, other than mealtime, is she using as a power play? Parental tolerance varies alot. Likely others will post soon with their imput which may be entirely different than mine. What works for one family may not work for another..and finding the balance in your home is the goal. In our home, for example, I always prepared dinner and tried to avoid meals that I knew some of the kids hated. If they didn't want to share our meal it was no big deal. They could fix (and clean up, by the way) what they preferred to eat or they could just sit at the table and eat nothing. Sharing the time was mandated. What they ate was up to them. We had no arguments about that. Regarding keeping their rooms I had to chill with later teens as it was a losing battle. Again, for me, it was easier to lower my expectations and simply say "if your room is not clean keep your door closed" and then "if your room becomes vulgar you will be required to clean it up with or without my help". None of my teens ever wanted a parent going through their stuff so it rarely got completely out of hand. LOL In slang this method is referred to as "choosing your baskets". You put your foot down on really important issues, try to compromise on medium issues and ignore the issues that are not of major relevance. Alot of times teens are seeking out conflict as they seek their self identity and try to rope the parents into negative responses. Perhaps it is time to do a basket sort. Welcome again. We're glad you found us and hope to be of help. DDD [/QUOTE]
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