Possible Oedipus Complex or unacceptible control problems?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by SC83, Feb 7, 2015.

  1. SC83

    SC83 New Member

    Hi all,

    I'm posting this on the behalf of my sister (without her knowing), and would like to know if there are any other struggling parents out there with this type of issue.

    My sister has shared a great deal of her issues with me, and, though I'm not her and can't personally explain her experiences, I have been around for a number of incidences that have appeared quite troubling.

    My sister has been divorced for quite some time now, and she's always been very caring and supportive of her son. She has never been a spanker, but tries to deal with things logically and out in the open because she's had training dealing with special needs children (being a teacher). Her son has been somewhat behaved over the years, but I've observed a rather strong tendency towards lying (which I know is only natural, having been a child before and lied)... I'm not sure if some of the issues are because of the divorce happening so early in his childhood (around 4 or 5 I think?).. I've heard claims that divorced parents and children can eventually almost be like a married couple, which I believe it's almost become.

    As far as my nephew.... He is 12 years old..

    My nephew has been extremely clingy, spending more time with my sister at social gatherings than any of the other children who might be there. He seems obsessed with who might happen to be texting her and why, blaming her if other people text her without her first sending a text ("I Thought you weren't going to text tonight!", even if she didn't text them first). He gets really bent out of shape (though somewhat understandably) if she has a single cocktail on the weekend (and she isn't a drunk or habitual drinker). He appears to be constantly critical, even sarcastically and tends to have a bit of an attitude a lot of the time. Moreso than one would expect even though this is a growth phase where he's expected to be questioning and feel that he "knows everything".. He's extremely disrespectful and has been having some problems at school, and also has been lying about some of the things going on at school (such as his attitude, or having homework completed). He doesn't seem to pay attention or really care what people are saying sometimes.. And it's been very problematic.

    Has anyone else experienced a situation like this? It's been very worrying for all of us, and it's really hard to tell if he's sincerely troubled or if he's intentionally being difficult so as to get attention or distract us from things that really matter like his lies about school (even though academically his grades and testing have been very good).

    Any input would be great, and I know it's hard to judge without direct observation...
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    As the sister, you don't live with the child. It is probably better if Sis comes on here herself. Vague and could be Asperger's Syndrome...sounds a lot like it. Many kids are from divorced homes and they all behave in different ways. Not all are disturbed.To me sounds classically Aspergers...but there's really so little to go on.

    Is your sister worried? She's the one who is the parent. And the father. Tell her about us. It is so very hard to go through a third party.
  3. SC83

    SC83 New Member

    I've been living here for the last 5 months and it's been rather. Disturbing how much he restricts what she does.. She can't even sleep on the couch for an hour without him enquiring about if she's coming to bed.... She barely has any time to herself and he could care less.. I may be a third party but she is certainly feeling suffocated with how little he is ok with her doing
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Right, but legally there is nothing you can do.

    My suggestion is she take him to a neuropsychologist for complete evaluation. None of us here can diagnose him and then give help about what to do. She has to take him to a professional and get the ball rolling herself. That's why it's best she posts. You can't do anything to help either of them.
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    There could be numerous things at work here. Separation from the father figure and him trying to be the man of the house, his fear of her leaving like his dad did or it could be a sign of something deeper. It may be 7 years since dad left, but he is maturing and beginning the slippery puberty slope....

    If your sister is really worried, perhaps you can gently offer the suggestions that she find a therapist or a counselor for them/him to go see. It's really up to your sister because she is the one that has to "draw the line" as to how much is too much.

    I applaud your concern because it's evident you love them both.

  6. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    I agree- first start with a therapist and see where it goes from there. It is hard to tell whats going on, did he show any signs of anything" different" before his parents divorce? Sometimes even the slightest things we may not think of could have been there. Good luck to you, your sister and nephew.