FB has not been involved in any way. My FB is deactivated, has been for awhile. Sorry if I gave that impression.
I know I need to not be checking. But, I am. My O C D takes over when I am anxious and that is now. I try.
I tried to call him awhile ago. No answer. I checked his latest (today) search. "liquor store" - a search that pulls up the closest, local liquor stores.
No wonder he didn't answer my call.
I think the writing is on the wall. Has he relapsed? No proof yet. And not 100%, going solely on search entries here. Not enough. He's still in sober living. If he's relapsed, sooner or later, he will be found out.
I am so sad. How do you separate the sadness from the anger? I'm almost positive his out-of-control anxiety is at the core. This makes me feel 'sorry' for him. But then again, he has his therapist a phone call away, sees her once a week. He has his own primary MD, he could see him for a script, or advice. He goes to IOP 3/wk. He could grab someone there. Does he? I think not. He could call his sponsor. Oh, wait, he doesn't HAVE one. 
I feel sick. My stomach feels like a rock in it. Is this 'here we go again'?
I ask again. How do you separate the sadness from the anger?
I need help getting mad.
