I'm so sorry. I can almost feel your pain coming through the keyboard.
It is hard when you are so invested in their recovery to watch them backslide. Do you attend Al-anon/Nar-Anon? They really are helpful. It is a great source of comfort to know someone in real life who is going through what you are.
I know it is so much easier said than done, but you have to distance yourself. You have to stop checking the internet searches. It's tearing you apart.
He has to figure this out himself. Only he can make the decision to embrace recovery. It has to come from within. There is no way for us to know what that internal motivator is, or what it will be that will trigger them to make the change. We just have to hope that they discover it.
I have watched my sister throw away her whole life. I tried, to the point of emotionally and financially bankrupting myself and almost ruining my marriage to "help" her before I realized that I can't help her. There is nothing I can give her emotionally or physically that will get her in that place.
Like someone said on another thread, "Let go of the results." We have to look at this like addicts. Not looking toward tomorrow, not looking back to yesterday. One day at a time. Today sucked. Tomorrow is new.
