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<blockquote data-quote="rebelson" data-source="post: 693492" data-attributes="member: 19966"><p>SO hard. A year ago, March, my son had an accident where he should either be paralyzed from neck down or dead. And who knows how many times that I am unaware of, where son was close to OD'ing. He has had alcohol poisoning twice that I know of, once was in 9th grade, he was briefly hospitalized. This thing is not a competition between us or our addicts.</p><p></p><p>I have anxiety/O C D.<---- <strong>that</strong> is what is making this so hard on me. As SWOT alluded to on CB's anxiety thread, others without mental illness shouldn't compare themselves to or judge others with it.</p><p></p><p>I have had a few good cries since last night. I got on my insurance website today and called some therapists. I have an appointment with a male one next Tuesday night, but he's not In-Network YET. They are working on getting him in. It will be $100 self-pay. If he turns out to be turned down by my insurance company, I do not want to keep paying $100. So, I will have to find another. *Sigh. Maybe this is a bad idea to see him, in particular. But, he was recommended and could get me in soon.</p><p></p><p>I have to get more angry than I am sad. It just seems so wrong to even WRITE that (make my anger>sadness). But, it is necessary for my survival.</p><p></p><p>I texted the point person at the sober living place son is at, yesterday. Asked how he's doing. He said: <em>"the best I can tell you is no news is good news..from my understanding (son) has gotten very involved and attending mtgs regularly with the other guys. Very respectful, following all the rules. Hasn't been an issue. I am not his housing mgr though."</em></p><p></p><p>I responded to say that I was concerned about son's unmanaged anxiety causing a relapse. And that I think he's hiding anxiety from therapist, others.</p><p></p><p>He appreciated my heads up and said he'd relay to house manager and son's therapist.</p><p></p><p>If my son has relapsed, he will be found out. This needs to play itself out..he needs to feel that repercussion. </p><p></p><p>I'm now trying to control my urge to call his # or to check his searches. It's like a kid staring at a plate with his favorite cookie on it, and he's been forbidden to touch it. I HATE O C D.</p><p></p><p>Kathy and others are correct. I cannot do this. He has to do this.</p><p></p><p>As a mother, the helplessness SUCKS.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rebelson, post: 693492, member: 19966"] SO hard. A year ago, March, my son had an accident where he should either be paralyzed from neck down or dead. And who knows how many times that I am unaware of, where son was close to OD'ing. He has had alcohol poisoning twice that I know of, once was in 9th grade, he was briefly hospitalized. This thing is not a competition between us or our addicts. I have anxiety/O C D.<---- [B]that[/B] is what is making this so hard on me. As SWOT alluded to on CB's anxiety thread, others without mental illness shouldn't compare themselves to or judge others with it. I have had a few good cries since last night. I got on my insurance website today and called some therapists. I have an appointment with a male one next Tuesday night, but he's not In-Network YET. They are working on getting him in. It will be $100 self-pay. If he turns out to be turned down by my insurance company, I do not want to keep paying $100. So, I will have to find another. *Sigh. Maybe this is a bad idea to see him, in particular. But, he was recommended and could get me in soon. I have to get more angry than I am sad. It just seems so wrong to even WRITE that (make my anger>sadness). But, it is necessary for my survival. I texted the point person at the sober living place son is at, yesterday. Asked how he's doing. He said: [I]"the best I can tell you is no news is good news..from my understanding (son) has gotten very involved and attending mtgs regularly with the other guys. Very respectful, following all the rules. Hasn't been an issue. I am not his housing mgr though."[/I] I responded to say that I was concerned about son's unmanaged anxiety causing a relapse. And that I think he's hiding anxiety from therapist, others. He appreciated my heads up and said he'd relay to house manager and son's therapist. If my son has relapsed, he will be found out. This needs to play itself out..he needs to feel that repercussion. I'm now trying to control my urge to call his # or to check his searches. It's like a kid staring at a plate with his favorite cookie on it, and he's been forbidden to touch it. I HATE O C D. Kathy and others are correct. I cannot do this. He has to do this. As a mother, the helplessness SUCKS. [/QUOTE]
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