And yes, codependency manifests itself in a nearly identical manner to addiction. It is never intentional, but most people have no idea how to properly deal with a drug addict until they have dealt with a drug addict. Meaning that everything you did up until this point may have been wrong, but not intentionally so. It is this ignorance that gets people to a point where they literally are addicted to their addict and their drama. Disengaging is crucial. Disengaging is not being cruel, and it is not giving up. It is merely about getting back to a point where you aren't so fundamentally intertwined with their 
. Of course you will be happy and proud when we do well, and sad and helpless when we fail. If you could just fix our problem for us, you'd do it. We know that. We wish you could just magically fix it all. But you can't. And we are adults. Not very good ones, I grant you, but adults all the same. Our mistakes are our mistakes, and the consequences for those mistakes are ours, and ours alone. That is how it has to be. If that isn't the case, you're doing something very wrong there.
Christopher Hitchens explains it pretty well in talking about the concept of scapegoating, which is precisely what Jesus' sacrifice was. He says he could pay your parking ticket for you if he liked you. He could even take your place in prison if he REALLY liked you. But what he cannot do is take away your responsibility. Nor should he. I think that this applies here, as well. You can save them from the consequences, but you cannot take away their responsibility for their actions. And they cannot truly appreciate that responsibility if you save them from the consequences. Therefor, you shouldn't save them from the consequences. We get arrested, don't bail us out. Don't support us in our self destructive endeavors in any manner. Support us in recovery.
