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Post Rehab, Brother 31, Living at Home Doping, Mom Enabling. Family Split. point of view: Concerned Daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 701205" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi and welcome. I love your name: Eventhedogmovedout. Love the humor in a very hard situation. I read the whole thread and I think you have gotten lots of good thinking here. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yep. Great description. We moms do get possessed by the exorcist. We are pretty mixed up, I believe, about what is helping and what is not helping. Even in the face of clear evidence, we will keep on enabling. Keep on and on and on. </p><p></p><p>I'm just so sorry for your mom, and your brother. Especially your dad. And of course, for you and your husband. And the dog. : )</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This hits every nail on the head. Your mom clearly has no intention of changing anything. She reminds me of my mom, an extremely intelligent and competent woman. A no-nonsense woman. She is enabling the heck out of my 52-year-old alcoholic brother. He lives with my mom and dad too. My dad is the one who is the outlier in that household. That is sad to watch. My mom has incredible guilt and other feelings about my brother because my sister was chronically ill her whole life, died at age 23, and was born two years before my brother. My mother thinks she neglected my brother because of having to care for my sister. She is by golly going to care for him now. It goes way back. It may with your mom too.</p><p></p><p>My other sister (there were four of us) and I have decided there is absolutely nothing we can do. Nothing. "something" will happen, and then things will change. Either my brother will get arrested for drunk driving, or get sick, or have a car wreck or one of my parents will get sick or die (they are both 84), and then things will change. They will not change before that. My mom has even "made noises" about going to Al-Anon, and doing something different, but she hasn't, and I don't think she will. Meanwhile, we are watching my brother drink himself to death. It is awful, and we also have to accept it.</p><p></p><p>I think getting on with your own life, living it fully, and seeing your parents away from their house would be my MO. I wouldn't waste my breath trying to change a single thing about the situation. It is what it is and people live in very strange circumstances all the time that make no sense to other people. It is their right as adults.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs. We're glad you're here. Hang in there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 701205, member: 17542"] Hi and welcome. I love your name: Eventhedogmovedout. Love the humor in a very hard situation. I read the whole thread and I think you have gotten lots of good thinking here. Yep. Great description. We moms do get possessed by the exorcist. We are pretty mixed up, I believe, about what is helping and what is not helping. Even in the face of clear evidence, we will keep on enabling. Keep on and on and on. I'm just so sorry for your mom, and your brother. Especially your dad. And of course, for you and your husband. And the dog. : ) This hits every nail on the head. Your mom clearly has no intention of changing anything. She reminds me of my mom, an extremely intelligent and competent woman. A no-nonsense woman. She is enabling the heck out of my 52-year-old alcoholic brother. He lives with my mom and dad too. My dad is the one who is the outlier in that household. That is sad to watch. My mom has incredible guilt and other feelings about my brother because my sister was chronically ill her whole life, died at age 23, and was born two years before my brother. My mother thinks she neglected my brother because of having to care for my sister. She is by golly going to care for him now. It goes way back. It may with your mom too. My other sister (there were four of us) and I have decided there is absolutely nothing we can do. Nothing. "something" will happen, and then things will change. Either my brother will get arrested for drunk driving, or get sick, or have a car wreck or one of my parents will get sick or die (they are both 84), and then things will change. They will not change before that. My mom has even "made noises" about going to Al-Anon, and doing something different, but she hasn't, and I don't think she will. Meanwhile, we are watching my brother drink himself to death. It is awful, and we also have to accept it. I think getting on with your own life, living it fully, and seeing your parents away from their house would be my MO. I wouldn't waste my breath trying to change a single thing about the situation. It is what it is and people live in very strange circumstances all the time that make no sense to other people. It is their right as adults. Warm hugs. We're glad you're here. Hang in there. [/QUOTE]
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