Re: <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I think he's still trying to test you and see how long you will actually allow him to not be involved with the family as long as he's following the rules. He probably feels if he treats you this way long enough, you won't be able to stand it and you will be the one giving in.</div></div>
I agree (I think), but I'm not sure I follow you. He's been invited to participate, but declined. The choice to shun us was his. I'm not sure what else he thinks we'll do to him if he continues this course of action.
And I don't understand this seething, burning anger in him. We've already given up so much - what else could he possibly want? The only thing left is what he KNOWS he won't get - acceptance and approval of his current life choices. Won't happen, never will.
I will acknowledge his ability (and soon, his right) to choose his own life path. But I don't have to like it, condone it, support or enable it. And if forcing us to fully accept his life choices is his goal, then we are, indeed, at a stalemate.
And if this is detachment, then it sucks (but I guess it's better than what was there before).
One thing I think, though: detachment is probably a good for this situation. It may, in fact, be the only thing left to us to keep our family from imploding. But when someone is actively trying to separate himself from you, detachment can easily erode into apathy, dislike, and even hate. That's the battle I'm fighting - to keep my emotions from eroding any further than they already have. It hurts, but I can't let it get any worse. I will NOT give him any reason to self-justify or validate his actions.
So here I am, detatched but still fighting the internal struggle. I'm sure just about everyone here understands that feeling. Everyone but me - until now.
Mikey
