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Substance Abuse
Pothead Detente, or Simply Defeated?
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 45753" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Just don't play into his hand and stand your ground. Don't get sucked into having a discussion and keep the consistency.</div></div></p><p></p><p>It shouldn't be hard to keep the consistency, since the current answer to the question that started this thread is "I feel defeated". The future, while not a particularly happy one for us, is at least clearer and easier to understand now. And other than keeping the drama from hurting my other two kids, life with the beast (I won't call him my son any more) is pretty much on cruise control now.</p><p></p><p>After thinking about it all afternoon, I've come to the conclusion that I am where I am not from grand understanding of the situation, not from some wellspring of insight I've gained, or any resolution I've made to draw and hold the line <strong>here</strong>, and go no farther.</p><p></p><p>It's not detachment, nor is it the first steps of recovery from any 12-step program. It is simply weary acceptance that things are the way they are. I wanted to believe that "my son", the kid I knew before he told us what was going on, was still alive somewhere in that head of his. And somehow - through love, through patience, through tough decisions and therapy and anything else I could muster I was going to support that spark of goodness in him and help it grow.</p><p></p><p>If I could just get that spark to rekindle, maybe it would start to burn brighter again and chase away some of the darker shadows that had come into my son's life and obscurred him from our view. But what I thought was a spark were the dying embers of a long gone fire. Breathing on it may make it glow for a second, but it won't come back to life - at least not from anything I will or won't do.</p><p></p><p>So, now I accept what simply <em>is</em>. His life is his own. While he chooses to live it under my roof, he will abide by the rules I put in place for the good of all the family. When he's old enough, he will find his own way into the world and I will bid the shell that was once my son goodbye, and hope that he makes it through life well enough to fill that shell with <em>something</em> positive and good. I just don't think that will happen while he's here.</p><p></p><p>Robbed, cheated, violated. I understand. But right now all I feel is defeated. He will do what he will, and I will be a spectator to his rise or fall. That would be hard enough for any parent with a "normal" easy child kid. For us parents of difficult child's, it's a truly horrible future milestone, and I dread it's coming. But, I accept it as well, and life will go on. I just wish it would go on with the son I used to know, but it won't.</p><p></p><p>But, life <u>will</u> go on.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 45753, member: 3579"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Just don't play into his hand and stand your ground. Don't get sucked into having a discussion and keep the consistency.</div></div> It shouldn't be hard to keep the consistency, since the current answer to the question that started this thread is "I feel defeated". The future, while not a particularly happy one for us, is at least clearer and easier to understand now. And other than keeping the drama from hurting my other two kids, life with the beast (I won't call him my son any more) is pretty much on cruise control now. After thinking about it all afternoon, I've come to the conclusion that I am where I am not from grand understanding of the situation, not from some wellspring of insight I've gained, or any resolution I've made to draw and hold the line [b]here[/b], and go no farther. It's not detachment, nor is it the first steps of recovery from any 12-step program. It is simply weary acceptance that things are the way they are. I wanted to believe that "my son", the kid I knew before he told us what was going on, was still alive somewhere in that head of his. And somehow - through love, through patience, through tough decisions and therapy and anything else I could muster I was going to support that spark of goodness in him and help it grow. If I could just get that spark to rekindle, maybe it would start to burn brighter again and chase away some of the darker shadows that had come into my son's life and obscurred him from our view. But what I thought was a spark were the dying embers of a long gone fire. Breathing on it may make it glow for a second, but it won't come back to life - at least not from anything I will or won't do. So, now I accept what simply [i]is[/i]. His life is his own. While he chooses to live it under my roof, he will abide by the rules I put in place for the good of all the family. When he's old enough, he will find his own way into the world and I will bid the shell that was once my son goodbye, and hope that he makes it through life well enough to fill that shell with [i]something[/i] positive and good. I just don't think that will happen while he's here. Robbed, cheated, violated. I understand. But right now all I feel is defeated. He will do what he will, and I will be a spectator to his rise or fall. That would be hard enough for any parent with a "normal" easy child kid. For us parents of difficult child's, it's a truly horrible future milestone, and I dread it's coming. But, I accept it as well, and life will go on. I just wish it would go on with the son I used to know, but it won't. But, life <u>will</u> go on. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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