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Probably worst day of my life...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 735474" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome care.</p><p></p><p>I think your dad might have been overwrought. I think his name should be caretoomuch. If it was me I might turn the other cheek. But I believe he is wrong, from what you write.</p><p></p><p>Not because the worst could not happen. It could for each of us.</p><p></p><p>What you have been doing is not working. If you keep doing it he could get worse.</p><p></p><p>If you let him face the consequences, he could get worse.</p><p></p><p>You see. There is no right answer in terms of consequences. Because they will do what they do no matter what choice we make. We cannot make a right choice if we define that as what will yield the desired result. Because they hold 100 percent of the power and responsibility.</p><p></p><p>We can only make the right choice in terms of our values and goals. Which is really hard. Because we want them clean and productive. But we want them alive even more.</p><p></p><p>I go back and forth with this.</p><p></p><p>Nothing I do is right. Because my son does not choose how I want and wish he would. There is not one thing I can do to effect his behavior. Not one thing.</p><p></p><p>But I keep trying to do the right thing.</p><p></p><p>I keep choosing the best I can. Remembering that nothing I do will influence the result.</p><p></p><p>My SO hearing this got mad. He hears it as saying I am stopping my struggle. He says I have to keep holding the line. Setting limits that would be the best for him, and for me, regardless of the result. Hypothetically, I agree.</p><p></p><p>But I am like your dad. I fear that something I do will push him to greater vulnerability.</p><p></p><p>But as I type this i realize that if I act to take away consequences, I deprive him of the opportunity to choose well. To decide for the best, for himself. To be soft with him is to say, it's okay to just do nothing, be nothing, want nothing, indulge yourself, help no one, etc.</p><p></p><p>This is hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 735474, member: 18958"] Welcome care. I think your dad might have been overwrought. I think his name should be caretoomuch. If it was me I might turn the other cheek. But I believe he is wrong, from what you write. Not because the worst could not happen. It could for each of us. What you have been doing is not working. If you keep doing it he could get worse. If you let him face the consequences, he could get worse. You see. There is no right answer in terms of consequences. Because they will do what they do no matter what choice we make. We cannot make a right choice if we define that as what will yield the desired result. Because they hold 100 percent of the power and responsibility. We can only make the right choice in terms of our values and goals. Which is really hard. Because we want them clean and productive. But we want them alive even more. I go back and forth with this. Nothing I do is right. Because my son does not choose how I want and wish he would. There is not one thing I can do to effect his behavior. Not one thing. But I keep trying to do the right thing. I keep choosing the best I can. Remembering that nothing I do will influence the result. My SO hearing this got mad. He hears it as saying I am stopping my struggle. He says I have to keep holding the line. Setting limits that would be the best for him, and for me, regardless of the result. Hypothetically, I agree. But I am like your dad. I fear that something I do will push him to greater vulnerability. But as I type this i realize that if I act to take away consequences, I deprive him of the opportunity to choose well. To decide for the best, for himself. To be soft with him is to say, it's okay to just do nothing, be nothing, want nothing, indulge yourself, help no one, etc. This is hard. [/QUOTE]
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