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Problem with gfgbro
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 243209" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>I have 2 very difficult child brothers and suffered far too much at the hands of both of them as a child. Therapy let me deal with it and get past it. It wasn't necessary to confront either brother to do it. </p><p> </p><p>Odds are your difficult child brother doesn't "get" it because he simply doesn't want to get it. I doubt he's forgotten the past anymore than you have. But if he can pretend it all ok, and it really wasn't all that "bad", then that's the way it was. A stick your head in the sand sort of approach. By asking you to tell him what he did that was so terrible.....is his attempt to belittle the abuse. He knows you won't call him on it. Or at least he's banking you won't. If you don't give him an answer, it re-inforces that you're simply making a huge deal out of nothing.</p><p> </p><p>In other words.....you're the one with the problem.</p><p> </p><p>I dunno. Somehow you've got to set up boundaries and make him stick to it. It doesn't matter if he or the rest of the family agrees or even likes it. Maybe your therapist can help you come up with ideas?</p><p> </p><p>My eldest brother I have not had a relationship with since I left home. I have no desire for one. I can be polite on the extreme rare occasion when we see each other. Ummmmmm last time I think was....more than 15 yrs ago. I've spoken with him on the phone as he's been "reaching" out of late. I'm polite and don't make nice conversation. I do nothing to prolong the contact and so it last maybe 3 mins tops. He can reach out all he wants......but I don't like the person he is, even as an adult, and want no relationship.</p><p> </p><p>Younger brother is sort of the same thing although not quite as severe. He did alot of changing with adulthood. I see him occasionally, although it's also fairly rare. I do talk more to him on the phone.....and we can talk alot. But a close relationship?? Naw. Not gonna happen.</p><p> </p><p>I live 2 states away from my family for a reason. That was the boundary I set. My Mom came here to visit......and sisters. My younger brother has been a couple of times. But I control visits, most especially with my sibs. </p><p> </p><p>And you know what? Everyone wants to know what my problem is. Ok. So like they all actually know what the problem is.........they just like to pretend if they act like nothing happened, then all will be just hunky dory.</p><p> </p><p>You know.......head in the sand syndrome.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/faint.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":faint:" title="faint :faint:" data-shortname=":faint:" /></p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile my mother stews about how come all my neices and nephews are so darned messed up.....yet my kids, even the difficult children, have turned out ok. Well, gee.......I wonder. lol</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 243209, member: 84"] I have 2 very difficult child brothers and suffered far too much at the hands of both of them as a child. Therapy let me deal with it and get past it. It wasn't necessary to confront either brother to do it. Odds are your difficult child brother doesn't "get" it because he simply doesn't want to get it. I doubt he's forgotten the past anymore than you have. But if he can pretend it all ok, and it really wasn't all that "bad", then that's the way it was. A stick your head in the sand sort of approach. By asking you to tell him what he did that was so terrible.....is his attempt to belittle the abuse. He knows you won't call him on it. Or at least he's banking you won't. If you don't give him an answer, it re-inforces that you're simply making a huge deal out of nothing. In other words.....you're the one with the problem. I dunno. Somehow you've got to set up boundaries and make him stick to it. It doesn't matter if he or the rest of the family agrees or even likes it. Maybe your therapist can help you come up with ideas? My eldest brother I have not had a relationship with since I left home. I have no desire for one. I can be polite on the extreme rare occasion when we see each other. Ummmmmm last time I think was....more than 15 yrs ago. I've spoken with him on the phone as he's been "reaching" out of late. I'm polite and don't make nice conversation. I do nothing to prolong the contact and so it last maybe 3 mins tops. He can reach out all he wants......but I don't like the person he is, even as an adult, and want no relationship. Younger brother is sort of the same thing although not quite as severe. He did alot of changing with adulthood. I see him occasionally, although it's also fairly rare. I do talk more to him on the phone.....and we can talk alot. But a close relationship?? Naw. Not gonna happen. I live 2 states away from my family for a reason. That was the boundary I set. My Mom came here to visit......and sisters. My younger brother has been a couple of times. But I control visits, most especially with my sibs. And you know what? Everyone wants to know what my problem is. Ok. So like they all actually know what the problem is.........they just like to pretend if they act like nothing happened, then all will be just hunky dory. You know.......head in the sand syndrome.:knockedout: Meanwhile my mother stews about how come all my neices and nephews are so darned messed up.....yet my kids, even the difficult children, have turned out ok. Well, gee.......I wonder. lol [/QUOTE]
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