Really long......I don't expect any responses; just written for my own regrouping. Since my last thread went awry and I've mulled over this latest bombshell with Department of Juvenile Justice, I woke up feeling like so much of this stuff with people involved in difficult child's life could have been handled so much smoother if there had been (and was) more adequate communication. I really don't get why it is me that seems to be pushing for that instead of them making more effort but I guess it's because I have a lot more at stake than the people involved just because it's their job. Here's an example: Remember the frustration I was having last week over family therapy? Well now it is clear why. First, I saw a therapist last winter before difficult child was sent to Department of Juvenile Justice. She told me that difficult child needed Residential Treatment Center (RTC), in her opinion, and that we needed to get family therapy while he was out of the home to work thru his misplaced anger and so forth, in order to keep me safe thru this process. A psychiatrist at a psychiatric hospital also recommended the same thing. So, when difficult child got sent to this Department of Juvenile Justice facility because I couldn't get him in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I went right away to the head psychiatric there and reviewed difficult child's mental health history with her and asked for family therapy. She told me she would relay all that to the person who would be difficult child's therapist. A month or so later I was contacted by difficult child's therapist and she said she had heard all this from the head psychiatric but wanted to hear it straight from me. So I tried to go over it all again, the best I could with the limited time she gave me on the phone and I stressed getting family therapy to her. She told me we could do that later on but she wanted to work with difficult child individually for a while first. Ok. So after a few more months, I get a call from her to start family therapy. First session is basic; second ssession looks like it's heading toward a behavior plan to meet difficult child's goal of getting more privileges and basicly being allowed to do what he wants. I get frustrated over this because 1) this was not supposed to be the goal of the family therapy, and 2) I knew we could not put a feasible behavior plan into place at this point. She knew I was at wits end but didn't understand why and calls me the next week- she asks for difficult child's history AGAIN and asked about a behavior plan. I explained the issue I was having about the behavior plan and the way behavior contract worked in the past when we tried it and how I had to approach it a little differently in order for it to be effective. OK, she seems to get that and be in agreement. I was still frustrated because the reasons I had pushed for family therapy to begin with seemed to be completely ignored. So I wrote this letter, which she will receive on Monday. But yesterday on the phone, she mentioned that she had been meeting with us (difficult child and I for family therapy) to do a transition plan because when difficult child came into their facility, their processing people had it written as a requirement since he came in with a diagnosis of bipolar. She said she was going to remove that requirement to make our lives easier when difficult child gets out of Department of Juvenile Justice because she knew I would still take him to a therapist or psychiatrist if necessary without having it ordered by PO or the judge. Great! She is still going to continue seeing difficult child individually and us together every so often. (I can see that being used by GAL at some point to "prove" that there was never anything requiring mental health treatment for difficult child- that the problem was just me- but that's beside the point right now.) But here's what sticks out in my mind- if she had told me at or before the first session that she was starting family therapy in order to establish a transition plan, but not to address the issues I had relayed that were recommended by my therapist and difficult child's psychiatrist at psychiatric hospital, I would never have been so frustrated with how things were going to begin with. I could have just had that conversation with her then to weigh it but I would have known what her real agenda was. I'm glad I see that now and after she gets my letter on Monday, I think she and I will be able to discuss where to go from here as far as how to get difficult child's misplaced anger and the issues resulting from his aggression addressed. That's great- but what a waste of time- couldn't we have had that conversation months ago? And before anyone recommends that I just see a therapist without difficult child for this- remember that I did and she is the first one to say we needed to handle this in family therapy while difficult child was out of the home. Now, as far as the Department of Juvenile Justice and release date and PO: I talked to PO two months ago about this possible job and move to HI. He said I had to move first. I didn't think it sounded right that a parent couldn't move after a kid was released from Department of Juvenile Justice and put on parole so when I called HI's Department of Juvenile Justice parole dept to get some info, I asked them what they thought and they said a parent CAN move afterwards. I then called a higher up in our state Department of Juvenile Justice who had the interstate people call me back and tell me the same thing but said it was up to the PO. Ok, so I talk to PO again, he talked to the interstate people, then called me back, and said OK, now he knows how to do it. (Notice that at first he told me it couldn't be done- then he changed that to "now he knows how to do it".) But, he said coordination of the release date was not handled by them- it's handled by difficult child's CM and the Department of Juvenile Justice people. So, I call her (the CM) and she says they can coordinate it but it's not up to her. So, I write the director there who says OK, they will coordinate it. Fine. So she puts it back in the hands of the CM and PO and it ends up with CM saying it's up to PO to start a plan. PO says he can't start plan until I move. I'm thinking: they can coordinate a release date so a parent can plan a move around it (the director said so, so I believe this); they need a plan from the PO to take to the committee to show that difficult child is not just being dumped on the street and that we really are planning on mmoving (that is according to CM and that sounds logical to me and I can provide evidence of a job and plan to move as soon as I get job confirmation); but PO can't do a plan because I haven't already moved (this is where I'm at wits end and left thinking that someone doesn't know how to do something here). That makes no sense and since PO didn't have a clue about how a parent can move after picking a kid up from Department of Juvenile Justice and going on parole, I'm thinking there was some mis-communication between the CM and the PO. I'm thinking a conference call is needed amongst these people and me and I'm a little ticked because after I already spoke to PO twice about this, the interstate people, people in HI, the CM and the director at Department of Juvenile Justice, none of these people had made the first move to really find out if this could be done? Is that what I'm supposed to believe? Maybe I should call the director back and ask that if it is possible to get an early release to coordinate a move (as she told me it was), what exactly does she need from the PO? Obviously, proof that the move has already transpired cannot be the answer to that question, so where is the ball getting dropped? Or is it just that the PO is trying to prevent this? According to the CM, the PO told her that there is no way they (our county people) will agree to a direct release because difficult child's latest charge was an offense against me. I don't believe that is the reason. They would not let difficult child out of their system for the past 3 years, which were obviously before this offense. Anyway, according to the CM, she and PO want me to move to HI, then they, along with their supers, will decide what happens to difficult child afterwards, ie, group home, remain incarcerated, (hopefully not DSS), etc, until they are satisfied that he can be sent to HI and live with me. Somehow, I'm just not comfortable being that far away with these people still not having more than that decided. Actually, there is no way because if GAL caught wind of this being up in the air, she would ask for a court hearing, knowing that I couldn't return from HI to attend then return again to pick up difficult child, and she would have him turned over to DSS. She has asked for DSS to get involved to weigh if difficult child should live at home every time difficult child has gotten in big trouble. I guess they are taking a position that I can decide what I'm going to do, then they will let me know if difficult child will be coming home and when. And I'm looking at it like I'm trying to coordinate this and revolve it around them so I can make decisions and commitments, but I need to know the "what's and when's" they are planning first. So, even though I asked what happens if difficult child can't get an early release and I have to go out there first but the interstate study is not complete before his release date comes up, they can't/won't even answer that question. If they have to have so much authority over our lives, is it too much to ask that they be a little more knowledgable than this- or at least find out after I talk to 5 different people about it for 2 months?? If none of them really had any of the answers, whay the *** were they all telling me "so-and-so can be done, but you need to do this or this person handles that", etc?? So just like this time last year, I'm sitting here feeling like my hands are tied to do anything that might improve things for difficult child and me because someone in our court services unit, who is the person who is supposed to be in control of things in order to make sure difficult child gets the "supports" he needs, can't/won't do one darn thing. But God forbid, they can't quit "monitoring" difficult child because he might re-offend if they do- like that stopped him before. And they wonder why my attitude is the way it is toward people in this county?