PROGRESS on TWO fronts!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TeDo, Apr 6, 2012.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Most of you have heard me talk about how opinionated, etc my mother is and how it has affected me AND my boys over the years. For a refresher, check out all my threads from last June - October.

    Today, we were at my sister's house for supper. difficult child 2 asked me if he could have a soda. I told him "no caffeine and Dr Pepper ONLY if it is caffeine free" (my sister & mom drink caffeine free versions). He came in with soda for several people that had asked him to grab something for them. It wasn't until we were sitting down to eat that I saw him drinking a REGULAR Dr Pepper. difficult child 1 asked if he could have a soda and I told him simply "no caffeine" (he doesn't drink Dr Pepper in any form). He went out to get one and yelled back "can I have a Coke". I replied no so he told me to come out there because there was nothing else he likes. My mom makes a comment about Coke being the worst for caffeine, which I completely ignored (yea me!!)

    I went out there and the only other thing they have that he likes is Sprite....except that this can had the pictures of the bigger lemon & lime on the can. He "don't like lemon lime". I tried telling him that ALL Sprite and 7Up are lemon lime but he wasn't having any of it. He started complaining about difficult child 2 having caffeine and it wasn't fair and what was he supposed to have...... I told him that "difficult child 2 did NOT follow my directions and I will deal with that when we get home but that does not mean that you don't have to follow my directions". I left him out there to process and came back in to eat. He came back in a few minutes later with nothing to drink so my sister asked him if he wanted some milk. He was completely calm and acted like nothing happened when he politely told her no thanks. Not even a glare at difficult child 2. I was soooo impressed!

    After supper, as she was helping clean up, my mother comes over to me and quietly said "I hope my comment about the Coke didn't cause a problem". I explained to her that it had nothing to do with it, that we have a rule about caffeine, that difficult child 2 didn't follow my directions and that I'd deal with it at home, that difficult child 1 just needed some time to process, etc. She said "I saw that he came back in like nothing happened". I told her that yes, we are working on that stuck thinking but that we are making progress. She nodded and smiled. WOW!! THAT whole scenario completely shocked me. Now keep in mind that I'm pushing 50 and my mother has NEVER acted like this in any way, shape, or form. This was a FIRST EEEEVVVVEEEERRRR!!!

    Who did what to my mother?..........AND...........THANK YOU for doing it!!!
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well...congrats...and may your mother now always have caffeine free versions of soda on hand from now
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    What's happening is... maturity. On both fronts.
    I'm told (it didn't work with my parents, but I've seen it with others) that somewhere around 70 or so, the brain goes through another set of changes, and as we lose some of our ability to handle immediate, detailed processing, we gain in big-picture processing. This is why traditional cultures place value on "elders". It isn't so much their experience at the detailed level that is sought, but their ability to provide a different perspective.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OH wow, that is great. I bet she is one of those people so stuck in her negative ways of communicating she doesn't even usually think of how she comes off to you, it is wonderful she noticed it this time, maybe it will be a sign of better things to come, you did set a healthy limit after-all. Maybe she got the message?

    How did difficult child 2 accept your home consequence? And Yipee for difficult child 1, good for him. Can they bring their own drinks to the party? I do that for myself usually, LOL because I do no caffeine and most people who have no caffeine only have the diet forms, I hate that artificial sweetener. Q has taken a liking to pop so I dont buy much anymore anyway. Trying to push the milk and a little juice. LOTS of water, which I hate.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What a great post to read!!! Love to hear that difficult child 1 did so well! As for your mom-ENJOY:)
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    When we got home, he turned into the pouty little two year old. He got mad that he wasn't allowed to have a bedtime snack.... It didn't matter that we'd just had birthday cake and ice cream 1/2 hour before we came home, it was snackTIME (8:30 pm) when we walked in the door. Then he asked if he could eat some cookie dough. Ummm, no, it's frozen, I'm going to make cookies with it, I don't believe in eating raw cookie dough (I know there are many people who do but I'm not one of them). He stomped upstairs so I told him he might as well go to bed.

    I never did get around to the soda issue. difficult child 1 had forgotten about it too. I didn't remember until well after the 10:00 news. I will address it today.

    As for my mom, I sometimes wonder if she isn't in therapy. She has said to me and my other sister at varying points in time how she's had suicidal thoughts. She and I both KNOW my mother well enough to know that it's just a manipulative tactic. That phrase quit working on me years ago. Anyway, none of us kids spend much time with her anymore because of her negativity and the grown grandkids have even less to do with her. I wonder if it FINALLY dawned on her that since SHE'S the common denominator, maybe there's something wrong with HER and not everyone else.

    It's really hard to explain but that's my theory. I will have to watch for other "changes".
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    This sounds AWESOME!

    So glad your seeing some improvement in your difficult child and your Mom!
  8. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I can so see my difficult child doing that.

    I am glad your mom acted more adult, and kudos for the kids for maintaining in a different environment.