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Substance Abuse
Protecting Ourselves from Adult difficult children
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 636835" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>This is a huge realization, SB, so stop for a minute and reflect on that. You really do know that, this time, right? You're finally at this point, and this is a very good place for you to be at. I've been reading your posts for months (almost a year, perhaps, which is how long I've been here). JT is going to be who he is unless and until he decides to be different. You're 100 percent right to let go completely. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>So, read the above again. You didn't cause any of this. None of it. Not one bit. Don't be ashamed of what other people do and how they act, even if they are our own kids. They are separate people from us. Let it go. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well, that may be. We have no way of knowing what the future will hold for JT or for any of us. I realize that just acknowledging that this may/is going to be like this for all time is a way of letting go, and that is a good tool. Do and think what works for you. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Absolutely. I am struggling with his as well. difficult child is right now entitled to one-half of all that I have. If I keel over today, that would be an awful thing for him---to get that one-half. I am getting married in November and we are going to change that provision and make "his" share available at a much later date with an executor named. Different for easy child. I have always felt that things should be exactly the same and 50/50 but we are not dealing with "normal" here. Our solutions cannot be "normal."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree. Make a one-pager of your possible responses, like "interesting." "Sounds good." "Good luck." "I hope that works out." and so on. You can also just say: "Oh." A million times if necessary. But don't, because you don't need to be around him that long, because even with these responses, you will pay a price for having to listen to it all. So don't. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>If you must do something, you could send him a card with no money in it and say that you are putting the money you would have given him into a bank account for later use. Or you could just give him the card and money and let it all go. Do what works for you. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Hmmm, this is a tough one. If you go, and he is going, I would limit the amount of time I stay to the bare minimum. then, go have your real Thanksgiving.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry for all of this. I know it is so very hard. Please know we care and we are here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 636835, member: 17542"] This is a huge realization, SB, so stop for a minute and reflect on that. You really do know that, this time, right? You're finally at this point, and this is a very good place for you to be at. I've been reading your posts for months (almost a year, perhaps, which is how long I've been here). JT is going to be who he is unless and until he decides to be different. You're 100 percent right to let go completely. So, read the above again. You didn't cause any of this. None of it. Not one bit. Don't be ashamed of what other people do and how they act, even if they are our own kids. They are separate people from us. Let it go. Well, that may be. We have no way of knowing what the future will hold for JT or for any of us. I realize that just acknowledging that this may/is going to be like this for all time is a way of letting go, and that is a good tool. Do and think what works for you. Absolutely. I am struggling with his as well. difficult child is right now entitled to one-half of all that I have. If I keel over today, that would be an awful thing for him---to get that one-half. I am getting married in November and we are going to change that provision and make "his" share available at a much later date with an executor named. Different for easy child. I have always felt that things should be exactly the same and 50/50 but we are not dealing with "normal" here. Our solutions cannot be "normal." I agree. Make a one-pager of your possible responses, like "interesting." "Sounds good." "Good luck." "I hope that works out." and so on. You can also just say: "Oh." A million times if necessary. But don't, because you don't need to be around him that long, because even with these responses, you will pay a price for having to listen to it all. So don't. If you must do something, you could send him a card with no money in it and say that you are putting the money you would have given him into a bank account for later use. Or you could just give him the card and money and let it all go. Do what works for you. Hmmm, this is a tough one. If you go, and he is going, I would limit the amount of time I stay to the bare minimum. then, go have your real Thanksgiving. I'm so sorry for all of this. I know it is so very hard. Please know we care and we are here for you. [/QUOTE]
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