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Substance Abuse
Protecting Ourselves from Adult difficult children
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 637188" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>Im sorry things just continue to get worse. I can understand your inner turmoil about what you leave behind for your kids when you pass but maybe it is just not a good idea for JT. Or you could put aside money in a trust for Bubby, or set that up in your will, and there will be nothing else left because you spend the golden years of your life having the time of your life and spending his inheritance! If you absolutely feel you have to leave him something I would do it in a trust with a very firm trustee that only gives him access to a very limited amount of money per quarter if certain guidelines are met. You dont want to finance criminal activities. Or you could set up the trust to say that if he ends up in prison for any length of time the executor could place X amount of money on his books per month. Something that would make you feel better. If your younger son has a chance that he may end up on disability as an adult you will want to set up a special needs trust for him as well so he wont lose his disability. I would talk to a lawyer about these things.</p><p></p><p>Now about some of his shock and awe statements to you. One in particular comes to mind...the one about hunting. I realize you are against it but put that aside for a moment and beat him at his own game. I would tell him you have realized just what a wonderful sport hunting is and have recently started getting ready to hunt yourself. You cannot wait to get your first buck! You may or may not know but my family hunts and I can send you pictures that we get of deer in the woods from our game camera's and you can text them to him saying they are yours! I can give you words to use. You can even say you are planning on visiting a friend for a hunting weekend and I will send a picture of antlers...lol. </p><p></p><p>Whatever he is using to try to get your goat, start doing it too. With the booze...tell him you are so glad he is having a great time. Arent keggers fun? Boy those were the days. You have to think outside the box. Remember he will want to do whatever you dont want him to do so if you act like what he is doing is aok, that takes the fun out of it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 637188, member: 1514"] Im sorry things just continue to get worse. I can understand your inner turmoil about what you leave behind for your kids when you pass but maybe it is just not a good idea for JT. Or you could put aside money in a trust for Bubby, or set that up in your will, and there will be nothing else left because you spend the golden years of your life having the time of your life and spending his inheritance! If you absolutely feel you have to leave him something I would do it in a trust with a very firm trustee that only gives him access to a very limited amount of money per quarter if certain guidelines are met. You dont want to finance criminal activities. Or you could set up the trust to say that if he ends up in prison for any length of time the executor could place X amount of money on his books per month. Something that would make you feel better. If your younger son has a chance that he may end up on disability as an adult you will want to set up a special needs trust for him as well so he wont lose his disability. I would talk to a lawyer about these things. Now about some of his shock and awe statements to you. One in particular comes to mind...the one about hunting. I realize you are against it but put that aside for a moment and beat him at his own game. I would tell him you have realized just what a wonderful sport hunting is and have recently started getting ready to hunt yourself. You cannot wait to get your first buck! You may or may not know but my family hunts and I can send you pictures that we get of deer in the woods from our game camera's and you can text them to him saying they are yours! I can give you words to use. You can even say you are planning on visiting a friend for a hunting weekend and I will send a picture of antlers...lol. Whatever he is using to try to get your goat, start doing it too. With the booze...tell him you are so glad he is having a great time. Arent keggers fun? Boy those were the days. You have to think outside the box. Remember he will want to do whatever you dont want him to do so if you act like what he is doing is aok, that takes the fun out of it. [/QUOTE]
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