Puberity Help

[weenie1]

My difficult child 1 is only 11, He is always touching himself and he does not care who is around. I thought they went through puberity around 13. He has already has hair under his arm.
I found some girly magz in his room and my family thinks it is okay and normal. It might be normal but it is not okay. What do I have to look forward too.
I don't know if I am ready for this. Any advice on how to handle this.

 

[klmno]

Hi! It sounds like his hormones are really kicking in full gear. I'd suggest husband (or you) talking to him (without making him feel ashamed or self-conscience about these temptations) to let him know it's normal, but, it is private, you don't allow porn in your house, he needs to repsect his body, etc. Then maybe come up with a "signal" you can use like a certain look or word so you can clue him in on when he's touching himself in front of other people and isn't aware of it. If you are sure that he's aware and really doesn't care, a therapist might be in order. This could cause a problem at school if it goes on, I would think.

 

[TerryJ2]

Hi Weenie, welcome.
Yes, 11 is right on target. My son started at 9-1/2 !
He's into "that," too, but he does not do it at school and at home, shuts his door.

My husband bought him a book that is quite useful (it's very hard to find an appropriate book for that age--you either get picture books on potty training, or adult way-too-detailed info).

The What's Happening to my Body Book for Boys, by Lynda Madaras

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=The+What%27s+Happening+to+my+Body+Book+for+Boys%2C&x=17&y=20

We pretty much just gave difficult child the book and let him look at it on his own. husband said he had a few questions, but mostly wanted to read it alone because he was embarrassed. I offered to talk and if looks could kill, I'd be dead by now, LOL!

We read difficult child the riot act about not looking at porn online because A) it's the best way to get a computer virus; B) It's degrading to people in the picture; C) It's feeding into a drug fueled industry and most of the women in the photos don't have a clue what they're doing and they, along with-the men, will end up with-a disease.
We encourage him to look at nude art in museums, and professional, attractive models. We have not encouraged him to buy any guys' magazines yet. Maybe a cousin somewhere will do that when he's 17, but not when he's 11 !

I would try not to make too big a deal out of it because if you make it a really BAD thing, he'll want to get more involved and do things behind your back.
Best of luck.

 

[BusynMember]

I've raised three boys past fourteen (two are grown). First of all, touching himself around other people isn't normal. Touching himself, YES, very normal and I'd ignore it. But touching himself around you or the rest of the family or in public--that isn't normal. That's socially inappropriate, and I'd worry about that rather than the touching. As for the girly magazines, I do think it's normal. I don't think you can stop him from looking, I'd say most boys do that. I found a ton of Playboys under my two boy's bunkbeds when they were twelve. I threw them out, but I'm sure they found other ones. That isn't something I'd stress about. Now if he's going around touching girls inappropriately, THAT I'd worry about...

 

[TerryJ2]

Weenie, assuming that he only touches himself at home, because he lets down his guard at home, you can whisper to him that he's welcome to do that upstairs in his room, or he can stop it and spend time with-the rest of the family. Occasionally, my son would choose to leave the rm, but 9X out of 10, preferred to be in the company of other people.

 

[Anaheimfan]

http://www.healthystrokes.com is a website that will offer advice for both your son, and you or your husband. A lot of the parental discussion centers around children touching themselves at inappropriate times or in places where it really is not appropriate.

I agree that you or your husband should talk to him, it would probably be better if your husband did it, considering both parties in the discussion, then, would be male.


Hope everything works out for you.

 

[Sheila]

That type touching is not normal. I suspect it's a symptom of the bipolar disorder.

 

[weenie1]

Thanks for the advice. we had a talk with him and I don't think that it helped. At least he is starting to cover up with a blanket. He only does it around family, cousins, aunts and uncles and granparents. I am not saying that that is okay just not doing it in public.
He does not touch girls or anyone else just himself. I am hoping that it is just normal, we go to psychiatrist on the 24th so I will descuss this with her. Again thanks for the help