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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 77766" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I know that you are hurt. When I was about 12, my oldest sister W had a falling out (to put it mildly) with my father. The middle sister S got married about a year later. They were only two years apart and very close. My dad wouldn't let S have W as a bridesmaid. She attended, and my father ignored her. S tried to bargain with my dad by saying if W couldn't be in the wedding, neither could I. My mom and dad forced S to have me in her wedding. I knew my dad hated my sister, but I didn't really understand the dynamics of it. </p><p></p><p>As an adult, at one point my sisters and I were talking, and it turned out that both of them were very bitter about my having been in S's wedding. W, because she couldn't be, and S because she'd wanted W. So, my dad succeeded in making us <em>all</em> miserable about it for the rest of our lives.</p><p></p><p>I know you would like it if your daughter stood up for your son, but if she won't, she won't. It's not something you can dictate. You <em>can</em> look her squarely in the eye and say with the utmost calm, "I'm really disappointed that you didn't include your brother in a more meaningful way." But it will only really sink in if you can leave it at that no matter what she says or does in reply. It probably won't change anything, but in the long run, she'll know that you can deal with real disappointment without hysteria or judgment. </p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion, forcing her or making a fuss will come back and bite you in the long run.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 77766, member: 99"] I know that you are hurt. When I was about 12, my oldest sister W had a falling out (to put it mildly) with my father. The middle sister S got married about a year later. They were only two years apart and very close. My dad wouldn't let S have W as a bridesmaid. She attended, and my father ignored her. S tried to bargain with my dad by saying if W couldn't be in the wedding, neither could I. My mom and dad forced S to have me in her wedding. I knew my dad hated my sister, but I didn't really understand the dynamics of it. As an adult, at one point my sisters and I were talking, and it turned out that both of them were very bitter about my having been in S's wedding. W, because she couldn't be, and S because she'd wanted W. So, my dad succeeded in making us [i]all[/i] miserable about it for the rest of our lives. I know you would like it if your daughter stood up for your son, but if she won't, she won't. It's not something you can dictate. You [i]can[/i] look her squarely in the eye and say with the utmost calm, "I'm really disappointed that you didn't include your brother in a more meaningful way." But it will only really sink in if you can leave it at that no matter what she says or does in reply. It probably won't change anything, but in the long run, she'll know that you can deal with real disappointment without hysteria or judgment. in my humble opinion, forcing her or making a fuss will come back and bite you in the long run. [/QUOTE]
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