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question about enabling behavior
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 597614" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>You of course know your son the best. I just worry that, that kind of thinking from your part creates negative feelings for you towards your son and it makes it more difficult for you to deal. If you kind of think, that he is being difficult just because he wants to p*** you off, while he feels he can't do better and you are never (remember we are talking a teen here, even easy child teens are masters of exaggeration) happy with him, it makes life very difficult for both of you.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately with difficult children the same is very much true than with other people. They give you what you ask. If you expect the worst and have lots of negative feelings and exasperation towards them, the chances are, they are not going to give you a pleasant surprise but making it even worse than you were afraid of. And when talking about minor kids, we just can't write them off so to speak but are obligated to provide for them aso their emotional needs. And one of the biggies is lots of positive attention from parents. That is not a want but a need. Children need that for healthy growth. It's not something they have to earn, they simply need it like water and air and food. And when deciding to become a parent we did sign up to provide for also that need. And it can be hard to do (because pretending doesn't really cut it, you really have to mean it), if you let yourself to wallow in how unpleasant the kid 'chooses' to behave. And makes it just harder for you than it needs to be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 597614, member: 14557"] You of course know your son the best. I just worry that, that kind of thinking from your part creates negative feelings for you towards your son and it makes it more difficult for you to deal. If you kind of think, that he is being difficult just because he wants to p*** you off, while he feels he can't do better and you are never (remember we are talking a teen here, even easy child teens are masters of exaggeration) happy with him, it makes life very difficult for both of you. Unfortunately with difficult children the same is very much true than with other people. They give you what you ask. If you expect the worst and have lots of negative feelings and exasperation towards them, the chances are, they are not going to give you a pleasant surprise but making it even worse than you were afraid of. And when talking about minor kids, we just can't write them off so to speak but are obligated to provide for them aso their emotional needs. And one of the biggies is lots of positive attention from parents. That is not a want but a need. Children need that for healthy growth. It's not something they have to earn, they simply need it like water and air and food. And when deciding to become a parent we did sign up to provide for also that need. And it can be hard to do (because pretending doesn't really cut it, you really have to mean it), if you let yourself to wallow in how unpleasant the kid 'chooses' to behave. And makes it just harder for you than it needs to be. [/QUOTE]
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