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Question about some one and cancer
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiapet" data-source="post: 573103" data-attributes="member: 455"><p>Thank you ladies! It helps hearing that from you. I having been texting my mom in between calls with her as we can. I'm trying to help calm her and talk her through things and situations going on at her end that are also happening and complicating (aka adding major stress that is NOT needed) it all. I keep asking her questions in between redirecting her to something else if needed, when I sense her stressing on a certain area.</p><p></p><p>Weeks ago before he had the scope he had lots of blood in urine and I kind of knew then what was going to come up down the line. For me this is no surprise.</p><p></p><p>I've now learned that she has a report listed "malignant tumor of bladder vault preop examhematura, microscopic", which was given to them after the PA told them this to go forward. Apparently my mother never read it either. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> I was just on the phone with her speaking and as I did she read it off, spelling things out (I capture all she says and write it down so I have information like the doctors name so I can file this complaint for them and hopefully help wherever else). I could hear the process going through her as she read it and spelled it and then silence.......and then I hear yelling in the background..."STOP that STOP that!' by my step father. I knew that was not a good sign. My mother was crashing fast and I worried what she may be doing. Luckily within 2 minutes she came back the phone with broken, crying voice telling me she had to get out of there. Kept her talking as I always do get her to a more rational state and understand what was going to go on. Step dad was going to take her for a ride. He cares so deeply for her even in his hour of need too.</p><p></p><p>He did take her out for ride and picked up a cup of coffee. She's now calmer and can talk. I texted her while she was out and offered her for them to come down here now (after reading replies I knew I had to). That my older difficult child who is now stabilized and ok, can go up and pick them up to be sure they get here safely as neither can make the trip straight thru on own. difficult child has been through this with grandma when my dad died so she knows how grandma can be and they work well together, especially with step dad there too. </p><p></p><p>I get a call from my mom and I explain to her that they BOTH need to get out of their surroundings and chaos that is happening up there (can't get into) and that they do NOT need to be part of it and also about the dr (there isn't great dr's or facilities there, part of why "I" left because I experience horrendous lack of care and suffered damage). That where I am is known for this particular kind of cancer as well as colon cancer. To come down, sit down and talk with us. Perhaps see a doctor here for a second opinion, maybe even have surgery here if they so choose. I know they have been looking to move away from there but, much like someone in an abusive situation feeling trapped or stuck, they just haven't been able to. THIS might just be the open window of opportunity that pushes them. God knows they really, really need it. She's going to mull it over and speak to step dad. We'll see what happens.</p><p></p><p>I'm not ready for this, who is when it comes to elder care. Not that it is an ideal situation but families pull together and somehow it tends to find away of working out. I do know that our relationship is different then it's been in the past and she's willing to put the work into it as well. But that's all besides the point. I want them to have the best possible outcome and I know they are certainly not going to get the care (medical or otherwise) up there or the support. They just don't have any. I can't go there either at all. If this is it. So be it.</p><p></p><p>Life on Life's terms.....that's how I roll...........</p><p></p><p></p><p>"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiapet, post: 573103, member: 455"] Thank you ladies! It helps hearing that from you. I having been texting my mom in between calls with her as we can. I'm trying to help calm her and talk her through things and situations going on at her end that are also happening and complicating (aka adding major stress that is NOT needed) it all. I keep asking her questions in between redirecting her to something else if needed, when I sense her stressing on a certain area. Weeks ago before he had the scope he had lots of blood in urine and I kind of knew then what was going to come up down the line. For me this is no surprise. I've now learned that she has a report listed "malignant tumor of bladder vault preop examhematura, microscopic", which was given to them after the PA told them this to go forward. Apparently my mother never read it either. :( I was just on the phone with her speaking and as I did she read it off, spelling things out (I capture all she says and write it down so I have information like the doctors name so I can file this complaint for them and hopefully help wherever else). I could hear the process going through her as she read it and spelled it and then silence.......and then I hear yelling in the background..."STOP that STOP that!' by my step father. I knew that was not a good sign. My mother was crashing fast and I worried what she may be doing. Luckily within 2 minutes she came back the phone with broken, crying voice telling me she had to get out of there. Kept her talking as I always do get her to a more rational state and understand what was going to go on. Step dad was going to take her for a ride. He cares so deeply for her even in his hour of need too. He did take her out for ride and picked up a cup of coffee. She's now calmer and can talk. I texted her while she was out and offered her for them to come down here now (after reading replies I knew I had to). That my older difficult child who is now stabilized and ok, can go up and pick them up to be sure they get here safely as neither can make the trip straight thru on own. difficult child has been through this with grandma when my dad died so she knows how grandma can be and they work well together, especially with step dad there too. I get a call from my mom and I explain to her that they BOTH need to get out of their surroundings and chaos that is happening up there (can't get into) and that they do NOT need to be part of it and also about the dr (there isn't great dr's or facilities there, part of why "I" left because I experience horrendous lack of care and suffered damage). That where I am is known for this particular kind of cancer as well as colon cancer. To come down, sit down and talk with us. Perhaps see a doctor here for a second opinion, maybe even have surgery here if they so choose. I know they have been looking to move away from there but, much like someone in an abusive situation feeling trapped or stuck, they just haven't been able to. THIS might just be the open window of opportunity that pushes them. God knows they really, really need it. She's going to mull it over and speak to step dad. We'll see what happens. I'm not ready for this, who is when it comes to elder care. Not that it is an ideal situation but families pull together and somehow it tends to find away of working out. I do know that our relationship is different then it's been in the past and she's willing to put the work into it as well. But that's all besides the point. I want them to have the best possible outcome and I know they are certainly not going to get the care (medical or otherwise) up there or the support. They just don't have any. I can't go there either at all. If this is it. So be it. Life on Life's terms.....that's how I roll........... " [/QUOTE]
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