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Question for adoptive parents
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 481275" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>I have been honest with Q at his level too. I think you are right it is healthy and normal. Heck as a birth child, I fantasized about having different parents too. Quin mostly wants to know about his birth dad. Truth is I found a picture of him in jail and he is probably getting out about now. I will not share that info. I have a letter for him from his mom from jail when he was first taken away. She clearly loved him dearly. Dad did too. The social workers confirmed this. But they were too addicted and sick to be able to care for him and he was the last amongh many. When he asks I tell him that they didn't know how to be a mom and dad and they tried but NONE of the kids could stay with them. They are all adopted. He still thinks I took him and if not for me then he would be with them. One thing the therapist had said to do (and it is in adoption books too) is to do a time line and show when things happened. In his case it was helpful because the judge said they can never be his parents again 7 months before his social worker even got my papers to adopt him. When he says things now I remind him that the judge decided it so there is nothing we could have done. I have told him that some day if it is safe, I would help him contact his bio brothers and sisters if we can find them. I think we could becasue the same social workers are there and know the families. I know that is true becasue I have to call every year. </p><p></p><p>Have you read the primal wound??? Stories about adoption by the adoptees. talks about how even if the adoptive home is bonded, perfect, ideal, there is still basic wound that happens when you are separated from the birth parent(s). I think I read it 13 yrs ago or so....I may be characterizing it wrong.</p><p></p><p>I remember when Q first started talking more about his bio family.... the psychologist said that his issues (wondering, longing, etc) were developmentally appropriate for the stages adoptive kids go through. Trouble was he didn't have the age appropriate language or cognitive skills to deal with/process it. We did our best to help him with that. Still do have to discuss it every few months. He also pulled the, she is not my real mom thing this summer. He said at the hospital, in admissions, no she is not my real mom...the got big eyed and looked at me like I had no right to sign him in, I said nope, he is all mine, and I was so proud---not (at that moment anyway). He gets confused on terms and calls me his step mom sometimes. LOL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 481275, member: 12886"] I have been honest with Q at his level too. I think you are right it is healthy and normal. Heck as a birth child, I fantasized about having different parents too. Quin mostly wants to know about his birth dad. Truth is I found a picture of him in jail and he is probably getting out about now. I will not share that info. I have a letter for him from his mom from jail when he was first taken away. She clearly loved him dearly. Dad did too. The social workers confirmed this. But they were too addicted and sick to be able to care for him and he was the last amongh many. When he asks I tell him that they didn't know how to be a mom and dad and they tried but NONE of the kids could stay with them. They are all adopted. He still thinks I took him and if not for me then he would be with them. One thing the therapist had said to do (and it is in adoption books too) is to do a time line and show when things happened. In his case it was helpful because the judge said they can never be his parents again 7 months before his social worker even got my papers to adopt him. When he says things now I remind him that the judge decided it so there is nothing we could have done. I have told him that some day if it is safe, I would help him contact his bio brothers and sisters if we can find them. I think we could becasue the same social workers are there and know the families. I know that is true becasue I have to call every year. Have you read the primal wound??? Stories about adoption by the adoptees. talks about how even if the adoptive home is bonded, perfect, ideal, there is still basic wound that happens when you are separated from the birth parent(s). I think I read it 13 yrs ago or so....I may be characterizing it wrong. I remember when Q first started talking more about his bio family.... the psychologist said that his issues (wondering, longing, etc) were developmentally appropriate for the stages adoptive kids go through. Trouble was he didn't have the age appropriate language or cognitive skills to deal with/process it. We did our best to help him with that. Still do have to discuss it every few months. He also pulled the, she is not my real mom thing this summer. He said at the hospital, in admissions, no she is not my real mom...the got big eyed and looked at me like I had no right to sign him in, I said nope, he is all mine, and I was so proud---not (at that moment anyway). He gets confused on terms and calls me his step mom sometimes. LOL [/QUOTE]
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