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Question for adoptive parents
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 481285" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Yes, I've read "The Primal Wound". It was recommended to me by an (American, as it goes) friend whom I knew in Marrakesh at the time I was adopting J. She was adopted and very affected by it, partly (largely?) because her adoptive mother actually did not really want her and was cold and unloving towards her. She had also uncovered her birth mother and discovered that she had been the product of rape.</p><p>It occurs to me that most adoptive stories are full of sorrow and shame. This of course makes them very difficult to share with children. I cannot tell J that his mother abandoned him at the hospital because having a child outside of marriage in Moroccan society is deeply shameful, usually involving permanent rejection by the mother's family. And, of course, the woman herself has usually been abandoned by the man whose child she is carrying. Or she may have been a prostitute, in which case she will likely have drunk or taken drugs during the pregnancy. I cannot tell him any of this, though perhaps one day I might. I am glad that J cried for his birth mother tonight. That he was sad and that I could tell him I understood his sadness and that it is fine for him to be sad about it. He also asked about his "first daddy", the first time he has done that. </p><p>Funnily enough, my ex-husband himself had a child like this that he came to know about (before we married). He felt a lot of sorrow and guilt about this unknown child and having J in his life was/is like a chance to redeem himself, in some sense.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 481285, member: 11227"] Yes, I've read "The Primal Wound". It was recommended to me by an (American, as it goes) friend whom I knew in Marrakesh at the time I was adopting J. She was adopted and very affected by it, partly (largely?) because her adoptive mother actually did not really want her and was cold and unloving towards her. She had also uncovered her birth mother and discovered that she had been the product of rape. It occurs to me that most adoptive stories are full of sorrow and shame. This of course makes them very difficult to share with children. I cannot tell J that his mother abandoned him at the hospital because having a child outside of marriage in Moroccan society is deeply shameful, usually involving permanent rejection by the mother's family. And, of course, the woman herself has usually been abandoned by the man whose child she is carrying. Or she may have been a prostitute, in which case she will likely have drunk or taken drugs during the pregnancy. I cannot tell him any of this, though perhaps one day I might. I am glad that J cried for his birth mother tonight. That he was sad and that I could tell him I understood his sadness and that it is fine for him to be sad about it. He also asked about his "first daddy", the first time he has done that. Funnily enough, my ex-husband himself had a child like this that he came to know about (before we married). He felt a lot of sorrow and guilt about this unknown child and having J in his life was/is like a chance to redeem himself, in some sense. [/QUOTE]
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