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General Parenting
Questioning therapist's intentions-thoughts pls
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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 76049" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>Well, I think that says it all, really--your difficult child won't see a CBT because there is "too much work involved." She doesn't want to work, doesn't want to change. My dtr was a lot like yours I think (I know I've said that before!) She loved the attention she received in therapy and got something out of people having sympathy for her because of losing her dad and because of being raped (though I don't know if that even happened--have my doubts). I, too, think that some of her therapists inadvertently gave her the message that her problems were insurmountable or that she couldn't be "normal." She did have an excellent therapist at her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) who mostly did DBT and that allowed her to be able to interpret things differently, to see that her viewpoint could be wrong or at least that not everything was black and white.</p><p></p><p>I don't like her boyfriend but I think he did help in some ways--he encouraged her to see herself as a normal person who could do normal things. She now leads a pretty normal life--has a job, takes care of herself, has an apt. with boyfriend, has a stable relationship with him even. The therapist she had before she went to her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was really awful but difficult child liked her a lot. This therapist thought difficult child probably would need assistance all her life. She encouraged our enabling instead of encouraging difficult child to become independent. difficult child really had her snowed--I think she thought she was really helping. difficult child seemed to enjoy rebelling against her almost as much as rebelling against us. She would get the therapist so upset that she'd be yelling at her just like a parent.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I think your nagging feeling about all this is probably right. My other difficult child (not really a difficult child, I should change her status) is also in therapy but she really works hard and is sincere about wanting to function in a healthy way. In her case, she does need to confront what happened to her in the past because her method of coping was to dissociate and that is no longer necessary for her. Her therapist says she needs to be able to tell her story before she can relegate it to the past. But he is an excellent therapist and it isn't just "talk" therapy--he is actually doing concrete things to help her. There seem to be actual goals they are working on. My real difficult child's bad therapist always talked about what they were going to do but never did anything but talk. </p><p></p><p>Good luck, Jo!</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 76049, member: 3450"] Well, I think that says it all, really--your difficult child won't see a CBT because there is "too much work involved." She doesn't want to work, doesn't want to change. My dtr was a lot like yours I think (I know I've said that before!) She loved the attention she received in therapy and got something out of people having sympathy for her because of losing her dad and because of being raped (though I don't know if that even happened--have my doubts). I, too, think that some of her therapists inadvertently gave her the message that her problems were insurmountable or that she couldn't be "normal." She did have an excellent therapist at her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) who mostly did DBT and that allowed her to be able to interpret things differently, to see that her viewpoint could be wrong or at least that not everything was black and white. I don't like her boyfriend but I think he did help in some ways--he encouraged her to see herself as a normal person who could do normal things. She now leads a pretty normal life--has a job, takes care of herself, has an apt. with boyfriend, has a stable relationship with him even. The therapist she had before she went to her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was really awful but difficult child liked her a lot. This therapist thought difficult child probably would need assistance all her life. She encouraged our enabling instead of encouraging difficult child to become independent. difficult child really had her snowed--I think she thought she was really helping. difficult child seemed to enjoy rebelling against her almost as much as rebelling against us. She would get the therapist so upset that she'd be yelling at her just like a parent. Anyway, I think your nagging feeling about all this is probably right. My other difficult child (not really a difficult child, I should change her status) is also in therapy but she really works hard and is sincere about wanting to function in a healthy way. In her case, she does need to confront what happened to her in the past because her method of coping was to dissociate and that is no longer necessary for her. Her therapist says she needs to be able to tell her story before she can relegate it to the past. But he is an excellent therapist and it isn't just "talk" therapy--he is actually doing concrete things to help her. There seem to be actual goals they are working on. My real difficult child's bad therapist always talked about what they were going to do but never did anything but talk. Good luck, Jo! Jane [/QUOTE]
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