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<blockquote data-quote="Starshine22" data-source="post: 749742" data-attributes="member: 24083"><p>Thank you so much for this lovely note. No worries with your post it was great. It's so comforting to know I'm not alone in this that there are so many of us going through the same thing. I understand your head spins with all crazy thoughts but I have had to take about 10 steps backwards and just breath I felt like I had stopped there for a time. I'm so sorry you are going through the same thing. I know it's out of my hands I can't rescue him I never could I can only rescue myself that's a hard pill to swallow some days as you know, excruciatingly hard some days. I was blessed to be a stay at home Mom so I was there for him and his brother there 22 months apart he's the older one. I made sure they had a fun filled childhood truthfully I was a young Mom 22 and I had as much fun as they did. I was thrilled when school was out for the Summer and cried when September came. I always kept them close to me I love being a Mom. I think back and he was always laughing having a grand time my yard was filled with kids. He was always so funny with a contiguous laugh you couldn't help but laugh right along with him. Mentally illness took him away I really don't even know who his is now it's ravished him. He came to see me two years ago he looked older then me I thought his life was taken it's toll on him he was tetering back then but he wasn't homeless. It's so hard on all of us I do understand it's a horrible helpless feeling but taking care of ourselves I'm learning is critical to this whole process and being in thearpy has been a God send for me I'm hoping for a miracle because so much can change in one day at the same time I have to be realistic and have been waiting for the phone call for some time now that he's gone then I think they all live such a tortured tortured life maybe that's the blessing in all of this.. </p><p></p><p>It's difficult no doubt and I pray and pray and there are moments I can feel his heart beating I feel like I can feel him. But Copeabanana was right I had to remove myself from being right there with him that's to heavy a burden to carry I've picked myself up brushed off and have carried on trying to enjoy my life the best that I possibly can and just deal with today it's all we have... Flying a kite that sounds like a fabulous idea! Thank you again for your note...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Starshine22, post: 749742, member: 24083"] Thank you so much for this lovely note. No worries with your post it was great. It's so comforting to know I'm not alone in this that there are so many of us going through the same thing. I understand your head spins with all crazy thoughts but I have had to take about 10 steps backwards and just breath I felt like I had stopped there for a time. I'm so sorry you are going through the same thing. I know it's out of my hands I can't rescue him I never could I can only rescue myself that's a hard pill to swallow some days as you know, excruciatingly hard some days. I was blessed to be a stay at home Mom so I was there for him and his brother there 22 months apart he's the older one. I made sure they had a fun filled childhood truthfully I was a young Mom 22 and I had as much fun as they did. I was thrilled when school was out for the Summer and cried when September came. I always kept them close to me I love being a Mom. I think back and he was always laughing having a grand time my yard was filled with kids. He was always so funny with a contiguous laugh you couldn't help but laugh right along with him. Mentally illness took him away I really don't even know who his is now it's ravished him. He came to see me two years ago he looked older then me I thought his life was taken it's toll on him he was tetering back then but he wasn't homeless. It's so hard on all of us I do understand it's a horrible helpless feeling but taking care of ourselves I'm learning is critical to this whole process and being in thearpy has been a God send for me I'm hoping for a miracle because so much can change in one day at the same time I have to be realistic and have been waiting for the phone call for some time now that he's gone then I think they all live such a tortured tortured life maybe that's the blessing in all of this.. It's difficult no doubt and I pray and pray and there are moments I can feel his heart beating I feel like I can feel him. But Copeabanana was right I had to remove myself from being right there with him that's to heavy a burden to carry I've picked myself up brushed off and have carried on trying to enjoy my life the best that I possibly can and just deal with today it's all we have... Flying a kite that sounds like a fabulous idea! Thank you again for your note... [/QUOTE]
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