Well, this is what I keep hoping for and thinking is going to happen; you know, "cause and effect," i.e., I show love and caring for him and model it in front of him toward others as well, and as a result, his perspective begins to change and he realizes how one-dimensional and selfish his life is and how this brings nothing but futility and emptiness... Only...it doesn't seem to work. He never seems to "get" it. And I know that he has been screwed by people around him over the last couple of years as he has struggled to survive. I get that. But I keep fooling myself into thinking that his paranoia and "looking out for number 1" attitude will change.
It's frustrating and heartbreaking for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is we (and I know all of you with your kids) didn't raise him to be this way. I remember when Josh was little, he would tear up when he would see something sad or see someone who was suffering. I'm not giving up--I keep praying for him, that God will soften the hardness of his heart. There's a lot of mental, emotional, and spiritual issues in play here, so I keep praying, but it is hard sometimes not seeing much happen.
