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General Parenting
quick vent...why is it the parent's fault?
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<blockquote data-quote="PlainJane" data-source="post: 604823" data-attributes="member: 11700"><p>Thank you everyone. I really appreciate the ffedback. Its so frustrating because difficult child who will be 6 in a week, has been going to doctors and therapists since before 2 years old. His Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis is from 2 years old and his doctor is not sure if thats the case...but we just keep plugging along. I spoke with a parent the has a daughter with the same behavoirs as difficult child, even the really strange ones that the doctor cant seem to figure out and her daughter now 18 ultimately ended up with a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) diagnosis.</p><p></p><p>difficult child fights about everything. He even baits people into fights. husband sees this too.</p><p></p><p>This morning at breakfast we had oatmeal. I served him. He ate some yogurt first. I said to him " the oatmeal is still hot so wait a few minutes to eat it"...so he stopped eating his yogurt, and took a bite of the oatmeal and burned his mouth, and yelled at me "why didn't you tell me it was hot!?"</p><p></p><p>He actually burned himself to do the opposite of what I said (Wait to eat oatmeal) and to yell at me for not warning him when I did.</p><p></p><p>That is sick, I cant see that being Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). He will do anything to do the opposite of what he's told and to fight. Now even his own safety doesnt matter to him when he is making sure he doesnt "listen" to anyone's "orders".</p><p></p><p>I really like his doctor but I have a gut feeling that Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is not it, or maybe isnt the only issue. He is friendly, charming and manipulative. He does not have the social presence expected with a child on the spectrum. I cant put my finger on it. My gut says a personality disorder...narcissistic...if he were an adult he'd almost fit that. Even husband agrees that it is scary how manipulative he is for 5 years old. We both would never have believed a child could be like this...difficult child is like something out of the good son. Don't get me wrong, he's not violent, thank god, but I could see him lying about..say a teacher doing something inappropriate to get back at them for bossing him around...I'm probably jumping the gun with that...I just dont know how to change his behavoir, the way he's going ...</p><p></p><p>I mostly blame myself. My parents blame me. None of thetherapists or docs have blame me..but I keep thinking I could have stopped this if I held him more or something...I know that sound crazy...but I just get stuck in the what if place...then these websites out there say its caused by the parents, that "we" disliked them from birth...and thats not true. Why wouls I ever dislike a baby? difficult child wasnt even a crier until about 6 months, then the meltdowns started and never stopped. But I still wonder if I could have changed something, and those websites just reinforce that guilt.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PlainJane, post: 604823, member: 11700"] Thank you everyone. I really appreciate the ffedback. Its so frustrating because difficult child who will be 6 in a week, has been going to doctors and therapists since before 2 years old. His Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis is from 2 years old and his doctor is not sure if thats the case...but we just keep plugging along. I spoke with a parent the has a daughter with the same behavoirs as difficult child, even the really strange ones that the doctor cant seem to figure out and her daughter now 18 ultimately ended up with a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) diagnosis. difficult child fights about everything. He even baits people into fights. husband sees this too. This morning at breakfast we had oatmeal. I served him. He ate some yogurt first. I said to him " the oatmeal is still hot so wait a few minutes to eat it"...so he stopped eating his yogurt, and took a bite of the oatmeal and burned his mouth, and yelled at me "why didn't you tell me it was hot!?" He actually burned himself to do the opposite of what I said (Wait to eat oatmeal) and to yell at me for not warning him when I did. That is sick, I cant see that being Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). He will do anything to do the opposite of what he's told and to fight. Now even his own safety doesnt matter to him when he is making sure he doesnt "listen" to anyone's "orders". I really like his doctor but I have a gut feeling that Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is not it, or maybe isnt the only issue. He is friendly, charming and manipulative. He does not have the social presence expected with a child on the spectrum. I cant put my finger on it. My gut says a personality disorder...narcissistic...if he were an adult he'd almost fit that. Even husband agrees that it is scary how manipulative he is for 5 years old. We both would never have believed a child could be like this...difficult child is like something out of the good son. Don't get me wrong, he's not violent, thank god, but I could see him lying about..say a teacher doing something inappropriate to get back at them for bossing him around...I'm probably jumping the gun with that...I just dont know how to change his behavoir, the way he's going ... I mostly blame myself. My parents blame me. None of thetherapists or docs have blame me..but I keep thinking I could have stopped this if I held him more or something...I know that sound crazy...but I just get stuck in the what if place...then these websites out there say its caused by the parents, that "we" disliked them from birth...and thats not true. Why wouls I ever dislike a baby? difficult child wasnt even a crier until about 6 months, then the meltdowns started and never stopped. But I still wonder if I could have changed something, and those websites just reinforce that guilt. [/QUOTE]
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