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Radical acceptance - a brief update
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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 631017" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>This is true COM, and true for my son too. Last winter I wasn't in my 'radical acceptance' place, I was in my 'emotional mother' place, worrying constantly, thinking that he must die from living rough with no heating or anything in the middle of winter. But he survived, somehow. In the photos the sun is shining. It wouldn't look the same if it was cold and raining.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You can love each other just the same with no common ground on which to stand. My son and I are worlds apart. I can enter his world for short periods and embrace the difference. I don't really think that it's an acceptable way to live, but for him it is. My world is not an acceptable place for him I know. He can't live in my world. I'm not sad about this any more. We're different. That's fine. It's interesting. One of my children is an angry, smelly hippy who lives in a forest in a derelict farmhouse with no job, no money, no bathroom and no decent clothes. I can say it. I'm not jealous of mothers with sons who have well-paid jobs, live in houses and drive fast cars. I love my son and accept him for who he is and I'm proud of him. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes of course this helps. Even if I don't always believe him when he tell me he's ok, happy, chillin', I believe him most of the time and I try not to think about the future. We're happy now. I've stopped worrying about what might be.</p><p>What's your son's response when you ask him if he's happy? </p><p></p><p>H and I don't discuss my son, we don't make him a topic of conversation. It is what it is. Talking about it doesn't change anything, it just keeps me awake at night. So he's often in my thoughts, but in a 'background music' kind of way, he's not thumping at the front of my brain just behind my eyes any more.</p><p></p><p>I don't know how I actually got here, in this peaceful accepting place. I've just absorbed all the advice and help and support that I've read here since I joined this site. It's saved my life. That message that I can't change it and I have to look after myself has led to this. A happier me, and a happier him, and a manageable relationship that can make us smile instead of cry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 631017, member: 17650"] This is true COM, and true for my son too. Last winter I wasn't in my 'radical acceptance' place, I was in my 'emotional mother' place, worrying constantly, thinking that he must die from living rough with no heating or anything in the middle of winter. But he survived, somehow. In the photos the sun is shining. It wouldn't look the same if it was cold and raining. You can love each other just the same with no common ground on which to stand. My son and I are worlds apart. I can enter his world for short periods and embrace the difference. I don't really think that it's an acceptable way to live, but for him it is. My world is not an acceptable place for him I know. He can't live in my world. I'm not sad about this any more. We're different. That's fine. It's interesting. One of my children is an angry, smelly hippy who lives in a forest in a derelict farmhouse with no job, no money, no bathroom and no decent clothes. I can say it. I'm not jealous of mothers with sons who have well-paid jobs, live in houses and drive fast cars. I love my son and accept him for who he is and I'm proud of him. Yes of course this helps. Even if I don't always believe him when he tell me he's ok, happy, chillin', I believe him most of the time and I try not to think about the future. We're happy now. I've stopped worrying about what might be. What's your son's response when you ask him if he's happy? H and I don't discuss my son, we don't make him a topic of conversation. It is what it is. Talking about it doesn't change anything, it just keeps me awake at night. So he's often in my thoughts, but in a 'background music' kind of way, he's not thumping at the front of my brain just behind my eyes any more. I don't know how I actually got here, in this peaceful accepting place. I've just absorbed all the advice and help and support that I've read here since I joined this site. It's saved my life. That message that I can't change it and I have to look after myself has led to this. A happier me, and a happier him, and a manageable relationship that can make us smile instead of cry. [/QUOTE]
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