I have a strong urge to run away this evening...well...it ebbs and flows on a daily basis, but tonight it's about everything I can do not to grab the dog, jump into the truck and drive two states north of me or even to Canada... Most days I try to distract myself, but today it's raining and the sun didn't come out...so distraction has been harder. I seem to be more solar powered these days. I find that the older I get the less I care about things...and people...animals are ok. I've never been a gossip and I don't care to keep up with the Jones'. In fact, I'm disgusted by them...I'm becoming ornery, and I used to be so positive. I think back to the ambitious, bright-eyed 20 something I used to be and wonder what happened to her. Sometimes things hit me...like a song or a picture, and I find myself mourning the loss of it all. Sometimes, but only when I'm by myself, I feel the old way again, but it's fleeting, and I try desperately to hold on to it for as long as I can. I think to myself if I can only hold on a bit longer maybe she'll stay with me this time... I wonder how many other people dream of running away. I wonder if they spend their days constantly navigating around people and things they know will antagonize them. How can you do that when it's your own family?