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Re: Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 605242" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Sadmama, you responded to a year old thread so I moved your post so you would get more exposure.</p><p></p><p>Welcome. I'm sorry you are having to deal with these issues with your son. You're making good choices now, it helps to recognize that we are enablers so we can find ways to work on ourselves. You can't change your son, but you can certainly change your responses and learn tools to detach. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. It's difficult to let go of our adult children, but it becomes necessary. </p><p></p><p>The main focus now should be on YOU, not your son. Changing that focus is hard, but with help, in CODA, Family anonymous, Narc-anon, therapy, other support groups, whatever you can find to help you, you can shift that focus. He doesn't live with you and you aren't supporting him, that's very good. So that you can sleep and find peace, get yourself support so you can begin to find your own joy regardless of what your son is doing or not doing. I know that sounds difficult, but if you want a quality of life, a life of your own, a life of fulfillment, you will need to stop enabling him and detach from him and focus on your own life now. Keep posting, it helps. We've all been there, we know how you feel. You are doing the right thing, Hang in there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 605242, member: 13542"] Sadmama, you responded to a year old thread so I moved your post so you would get more exposure. Welcome. I'm sorry you are having to deal with these issues with your son. You're making good choices now, it helps to recognize that we are enablers so we can find ways to work on ourselves. You can't change your son, but you can certainly change your responses and learn tools to detach. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. It's difficult to let go of our adult children, but it becomes necessary. The main focus now should be on YOU, not your son. Changing that focus is hard, but with help, in CODA, Family anonymous, Narc-anon, therapy, other support groups, whatever you can find to help you, you can shift that focus. He doesn't live with you and you aren't supporting him, that's very good. So that you can sleep and find peace, get yourself support so you can begin to find your own joy regardless of what your son is doing or not doing. I know that sounds difficult, but if you want a quality of life, a life of your own, a life of fulfillment, you will need to stop enabling him and detach from him and focus on your own life now. Keep posting, it helps. We've all been there, we know how you feel. You are doing the right thing, Hang in there. [/QUOTE]
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Re: Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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