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Re: Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 605255" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Recovering says it so well. Is there anything more you can do? No. I am assuming there are drugs involved here. I apologize if I'm wrong.</p><p></p><p>Drugs, alcohol or not, he is 33 and even if Yankee Stadium was full of people who wanted to help him, it wouldn't do any good. Only one person in the entire world can help him, and that's himself. There is nothing you can do, nor should you, except go on with your life and enjoy your daughter, your friends, your hobbies, all the things you would do if your son were not self-destructing. You deserve a good life in spite of your son. There are no magic words you can say to change him; nothing magical you can do to change him. It has to come from INSIDE himself and I suspect he will have to wear out all his enablers to get to that point, if he ever does. Even on holidays, I'd refrain from giving him money. You may not know if he uses drugs. He is unlikely to spend money on anything he needs or is useful. Buy him a gift card or something you know he needs like warm gloves. Not real expensive ones. He could sell them otherwise.</p><p></p><p>Do you like to knit or walk or garden or read or go to church? Have you neglected things you love to do because you worried about your son and it took over your life? Do you feel you don't deserve a good life while he is struggling? These are ways of wrongful thinking. You have done EVERYTHING you can to give your son a good life. You can not force him to utilize the tools you gave him. Have you made some errors along the way? Welcome to The Rest of Us <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> </p><p></p><p>I hope you can get YOUR OWN LIFE on track. If there is no CODA group near you, go to Al-Anon. It's the same message about taking care of yourself firest. You are not responsible for your adult son any longer and the poor choices he is making. Hugs and welcome to the board <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 605255, member: 1550"] Recovering says it so well. Is there anything more you can do? No. I am assuming there are drugs involved here. I apologize if I'm wrong. Drugs, alcohol or not, he is 33 and even if Yankee Stadium was full of people who wanted to help him, it wouldn't do any good. Only one person in the entire world can help him, and that's himself. There is nothing you can do, nor should you, except go on with your life and enjoy your daughter, your friends, your hobbies, all the things you would do if your son were not self-destructing. You deserve a good life in spite of your son. There are no magic words you can say to change him; nothing magical you can do to change him. It has to come from INSIDE himself and I suspect he will have to wear out all his enablers to get to that point, if he ever does. Even on holidays, I'd refrain from giving him money. You may not know if he uses drugs. He is unlikely to spend money on anything he needs or is useful. Buy him a gift card or something you know he needs like warm gloves. Not real expensive ones. He could sell them otherwise. Do you like to knit or walk or garden or read or go to church? Have you neglected things you love to do because you worried about your son and it took over your life? Do you feel you don't deserve a good life while he is struggling? These are ways of wrongful thinking. You have done EVERYTHING you can to give your son a good life. You can not force him to utilize the tools you gave him. Have you made some errors along the way? Welcome to The Rest of Us :) I hope you can get YOUR OWN LIFE on track. If there is no CODA group near you, go to Al-Anon. It's the same message about taking care of yourself firest. You are not responsible for your adult son any longer and the poor choices he is making. Hugs and welcome to the board :) [/QUOTE]
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Re: Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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