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General Parenting
Re-marriage and others oppinions
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<blockquote data-quote="janebrain" data-source="post: 162097" data-attributes="member: 3208"><p>Hi,</p><p>I just wanted to add my agreement to the others'. My kids' dad died and I remarried. My husband had to leave the discipline to me. It took a long time for my kids to adjust to a stepfather and he did a great job at being there but not trying to replace their dad. My kids were 14, 10, and 7 when I remarried and they all went through periods of really resenting the remarriage. Now they are 24, 20 and 17 and all get along well with their stepdad and have a greater appreciation for what he had done for them. I can tell you though that it was a long time before he felt any appreciation from them. He has 3 grown kids of his own--I would not have married someone who did not already have kids and understand the difficulties involved. </p><p></p><p>I really think you and your husband need to be in family counseling so he can learn how to be a stepdad. Yelling at the kids is only going to be counterproductive and he cannot just come in and be so heavyhanded--I would be very resentful if I was his stepkid. He really needs to take a back seat and be supportive of you and it is going to take time for the kids to learn to trust him and accept him. It is only natural for them to resist and he is making it worse.</p><p></p><p>Oh, welcome to the group!!</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="janebrain, post: 162097, member: 3208"] Hi, I just wanted to add my agreement to the others'. My kids' dad died and I remarried. My husband had to leave the discipline to me. It took a long time for my kids to adjust to a stepfather and he did a great job at being there but not trying to replace their dad. My kids were 14, 10, and 7 when I remarried and they all went through periods of really resenting the remarriage. Now they are 24, 20 and 17 and all get along well with their stepdad and have a greater appreciation for what he had done for them. I can tell you though that it was a long time before he felt any appreciation from them. He has 3 grown kids of his own--I would not have married someone who did not already have kids and understand the difficulties involved. I really think you and your husband need to be in family counseling so he can learn how to be a stepdad. Yelling at the kids is only going to be counterproductive and he cannot just come in and be so heavyhanded--I would be very resentful if I was his stepkid. He really needs to take a back seat and be supportive of you and it is going to take time for the kids to learn to trust him and accept him. It is only natural for them to resist and he is making it worse. Oh, welcome to the group!! Jane [/QUOTE]
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