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Re: Please Tell me we are not alone..
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 374832" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Coulie, welcome. I was a bit puzzled by your title - I gather the previous one 'geled' a few thoughts for you. But it's OK to start your own thread with your on topic.</p><p></p><p>I haven't got time right now to post on your thread plus the original "Please tell me where not alone" thread, but I will summarise advice for both threads now. (I've got a big day coming up, away from the 'Net).</p><p></p><p>1) Any spouse/partner/other family help - get them to lurk here or post here too. It can make a huge difference. Talk about it together. You need to be on the same page. Limit this to spouse or partner to begin with though.</p><p></p><p>2) Read current threads that look like they could be relevant. Also, go to the archives and read there. Read other forums - sometimes there can be useful advice on a different forum. Especially Early Childhood - it doesn't move so fast, but they have a higher proportion of "newbies".</p><p></p><p>3) Get your hands on a very helpful book re behaviour and discipline issues. "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Buying new books is expensive, after a while of getting a lot of this sort of advice you get jaded and wary, so use the library. In the meantime, watch for mentions of this book and how it works, in the posts. Especially - look t the sticky on this book, in the Early Childhood forum.</p><p></p><p>4) Have hope. Some of us have sad stories, or not successful stories, but they actually are not as common in terms of the number of people who come here with a problem and then move on, having learned how to manage. And there are those of us who have stayed on with some smaller problems continuing, but managing things a lot better thanks to the support here.</p><p></p><p>I learned how to cope, I learned how to fight when I needed to and what weapons to use. This is despite being in a different country where rules are different. It still worked for us.</p><p></p><p>Reading that book made our lives easier. A lot of help you are advised to use, can increase your workload (but hey, you do it for your child). This one helped AND reduced our workload. But you do all need to be on the same page. Those NOT on the same page will be the ones to bear the brunt of problems - if one partner is following the book, they will get on well. The one ignoring it i the one who will feel an increased concentration of the child's hostility! It would be allmost funny, if it wasn't such a problem (it has at times been funny, actually).</p><p> </p><p>Love your child. Have faith. Have hope. Keep an open mind and learn to think outside the square. Take notes, keep a diary and check back in it every so often. You will be surprised at the progress it shows.</p><p></p><p>You can still have a life, still be happy, still have joyous moments. You just might need to work a little harder at it, and try to not look too enviously at those whose lives seem perfect. Trust me - nobody's life is THAT perfect!</p><p></p><p>You've just landed in a very soft place. Welcome.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 374832, member: 1991"] Coulie, welcome. I was a bit puzzled by your title - I gather the previous one 'geled' a few thoughts for you. But it's OK to start your own thread with your on topic. I haven't got time right now to post on your thread plus the original "Please tell me where not alone" thread, but I will summarise advice for both threads now. (I've got a big day coming up, away from the 'Net). 1) Any spouse/partner/other family help - get them to lurk here or post here too. It can make a huge difference. Talk about it together. You need to be on the same page. Limit this to spouse or partner to begin with though. 2) Read current threads that look like they could be relevant. Also, go to the archives and read there. Read other forums - sometimes there can be useful advice on a different forum. Especially Early Childhood - it doesn't move so fast, but they have a higher proportion of "newbies". 3) Get your hands on a very helpful book re behaviour and discipline issues. "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Buying new books is expensive, after a while of getting a lot of this sort of advice you get jaded and wary, so use the library. In the meantime, watch for mentions of this book and how it works, in the posts. Especially - look t the sticky on this book, in the Early Childhood forum. 4) Have hope. Some of us have sad stories, or not successful stories, but they actually are not as common in terms of the number of people who come here with a problem and then move on, having learned how to manage. And there are those of us who have stayed on with some smaller problems continuing, but managing things a lot better thanks to the support here. I learned how to cope, I learned how to fight when I needed to and what weapons to use. This is despite being in a different country where rules are different. It still worked for us. Reading that book made our lives easier. A lot of help you are advised to use, can increase your workload (but hey, you do it for your child). This one helped AND reduced our workload. But you do all need to be on the same page. Those NOT on the same page will be the ones to bear the brunt of problems - if one partner is following the book, they will get on well. The one ignoring it i the one who will feel an increased concentration of the child's hostility! It would be allmost funny, if it wasn't such a problem (it has at times been funny, actually). Love your child. Have faith. Have hope. Keep an open mind and learn to think outside the square. Take notes, keep a diary and check back in it every so often. You will be surprised at the progress it shows. You can still have a life, still be happy, still have joyous moments. You just might need to work a little harder at it, and try to not look too enviously at those whose lives seem perfect. Trust me - nobody's life is THAT perfect! You've just landed in a very soft place. Welcome. Marg [/QUOTE]
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