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Re-Reading The Explosive Child
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 316997" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p></p><p>If CPS - explosive child approach speaks to you , your therapist should be helping you and your child with problem solving and addressing the missing skills your child lacks. </p><p>What is his understanding of your child's behaviors , what does he recommend ?</p><p></p><p>The whole CPS approach is based on your ability to have a conversation with your child.</p><p>The way to go is just to engage in general chatting focusing on perspective taking , looking out for the concerns of others , identifying problems , looking for solutions that address concerns , solutions that are win-win , checking for possible problems that the solutions will encounter . Once a kid understands the process and this is the way people get along and live with each other , he will find it much easier to handle the more emotive stuff.</p><p></p><p>Here is a piece I wrote on generalizing thinking skills - makes the point I have just mentioned </p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion problem solving is essentially the ability to ask questions. Asking questions is the basis of conversation and getting along with people. We don't want kids to just take a solution and use it in another situation , because the situation can be different . ( we comment on a kid's creative thinking rather than solution). But the process , the asking of questions is the same. CPS is very much on the job training with lots of different scenarios and interactions , the parent is like a personal coach. We can expand the ' thinking' experiences by general chatting with kids on other people's , animals , other children problems letting kids take perspectives , asking how do I think he feels , how does he think the other boy feels, what are their concerns , define the problem , find a mutually satisfying solutions , check for possible obstacles that will get in the way of the solutions . When we attend to our children's needs we can transcend the basic situation and use the experience for parallel learning and exploring - so if we need to make dinner we can ask the kid - what questions do we need to answer , or make a check list of questions - for eg how many people , how many plates , what ingredients do we need , how do we make a cake etc. We can give further opportunities for kids to engage in a dialog dynamic by providing them with mentors, peer mentors or older brothers. </p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion the problem - the lack of generalization is caused by the kid/teacher focusing on the outcomes and solutions rather than the process of thinking and problem solving which rests on the ability to ask questions. When kids are using the process in non-emotive situations , they have a better chance when things are more frustrating.</p><p></p><p>Dr Greene talks about 30-40 problem solving experiences for a kid to aquire the skill and to trust the process.</p><p></p><p>The most important tool is your relationship with your child and having conversations with him , meaning we listen , he speaks , we direct the conversations with questions</p><p></p><p>I shared a recent post on resources for the explosivechild , I am sure they are helpful</p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 316997, member: 10"] Hi, If CPS - explosive child approach speaks to you , your therapist should be helping you and your child with problem solving and addressing the missing skills your child lacks. What is his understanding of your child's behaviors , what does he recommend ? The whole CPS approach is based on your ability to have a conversation with your child. The way to go is just to engage in general chatting focusing on perspective taking , looking out for the concerns of others , identifying problems , looking for solutions that address concerns , solutions that are win-win , checking for possible problems that the solutions will encounter . Once a kid understands the process and this is the way people get along and live with each other , he will find it much easier to handle the more emotive stuff. Here is a piece I wrote on generalizing thinking skills - makes the point I have just mentioned in my humble opinion problem solving is essentially the ability to ask questions. Asking questions is the basis of conversation and getting along with people. We don't want kids to just take a solution and use it in another situation , because the situation can be different . ( we comment on a kid's creative thinking rather than solution). But the process , the asking of questions is the same. CPS is very much on the job training with lots of different scenarios and interactions , the parent is like a personal coach. We can expand the ' thinking' experiences by general chatting with kids on other people's , animals , other children problems letting kids take perspectives , asking how do I think he feels , how does he think the other boy feels, what are their concerns , define the problem , find a mutually satisfying solutions , check for possible obstacles that will get in the way of the solutions . When we attend to our children's needs we can transcend the basic situation and use the experience for parallel learning and exploring - so if we need to make dinner we can ask the kid - what questions do we need to answer , or make a check list of questions - for eg how many people , how many plates , what ingredients do we need , how do we make a cake etc. We can give further opportunities for kids to engage in a dialog dynamic by providing them with mentors, peer mentors or older brothers. in my humble opinion the problem - the lack of generalization is caused by the kid/teacher focusing on the outcomes and solutions rather than the process of thinking and problem solving which rests on the ability to ask questions. When kids are using the process in non-emotive situations , they have a better chance when things are more frustrating. Dr Greene talks about 30-40 problem solving experiences for a kid to aquire the skill and to trust the process. The most important tool is your relationship with your child and having conversations with him , meaning we listen , he speaks , we direct the conversations with questions I shared a recent post on resources for the explosivechild , I am sure they are helpful Allan [/QUOTE]
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