Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
re: Spoiled because of Guilt?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 431174" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>It's a good question that obviously strikes chords with a lot of people.</p><p>I can't feel guilty about having left my marriage and J's adopted father because the situation was so unliveable and verbally abusive but I sometimes question whether it was right to take him away from his genetic culture, religion and language by leaving Morocco. Which also meant taking him away from his adopted Moroccan family who are good people who love and welcome him, whereas here I have no family on hand. Sometimes I wonder whether I am depriving him of a real sense of belonging because I don't know that he will ever really "belong" here... I don't consciously do anything or buy anything for him because of these feelings and I do try hard not to spoil him. As one of the other posters said, I do say no to him, in as many words, because I think that is better for him in the long term than constantly giving in - and of course it's hard because saying no leads to outbursts of crying, shouting, infantile swear words - "caca" being the favourite - and (depending on how much he wants the thing) childishly manipulative statements like "I don't like you, Mummy" or "I'm not going to stay with you, Mummy, I'm going to live with Daddy". All of this is like some kind of unconscious campaign on his part to get what he wants... I am not in hostile battle with him (trying very hard to steer away from that) but I am trying not to rear a monster who uses bullying and manipulative tactics to achieve his ends also... It is not easy, is all one can say.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 431174, member: 11227"] It's a good question that obviously strikes chords with a lot of people. I can't feel guilty about having left my marriage and J's adopted father because the situation was so unliveable and verbally abusive but I sometimes question whether it was right to take him away from his genetic culture, religion and language by leaving Morocco. Which also meant taking him away from his adopted Moroccan family who are good people who love and welcome him, whereas here I have no family on hand. Sometimes I wonder whether I am depriving him of a real sense of belonging because I don't know that he will ever really "belong" here... I don't consciously do anything or buy anything for him because of these feelings and I do try hard not to spoil him. As one of the other posters said, I do say no to him, in as many words, because I think that is better for him in the long term than constantly giving in - and of course it's hard because saying no leads to outbursts of crying, shouting, infantile swear words - "caca" being the favourite - and (depending on how much he wants the thing) childishly manipulative statements like "I don't like you, Mummy" or "I'm not going to stay with you, Mummy, I'm going to live with Daddy". All of this is like some kind of unconscious campaign on his part to get what he wants... I am not in hostile battle with him (trying very hard to steer away from that) but I am trying not to rear a monster who uses bullying and manipulative tactics to achieve his ends also... It is not easy, is all one can say. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
re: Spoiled because of Guilt?
Top