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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 738800" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>You know, I am known to scream. I had not put this together. When I am overwhelmed, and in severe stress, and I cannot see a way to even think from one second to the next, I will scream. Oh. It does not happen often. But it does. M hates it. I did this in a Target superstore parking lot, when the hospital was pressuring me to put my mother on hospice and she did not want to die. I just stood there by some palms and I screamed. It helped. I expressed my pain. And powerlessness. I was able within minutes to begin to work to plan the next steps.</p><p></p><p>Now. I am not sanctioning this as a behavioral strategy. But I am trying to look at it in a way where it is not necessarily so dire. What I am trying to say is she may be a highly intelligent, willful, and emotional child. With a great deal of potential. Who needs to and will grow into herself. Not all difficulties in development are the cause of pathology. Sometimes they are just growing pains. A child has not yet caught up to her strengths and potential.</p><p></p><p>I do not remember if I screamed as a child or teen. I probably did. I do remember as a teen I banged my head against the wall. I did it because my MOTHER was so unreasonable.</p><p></p><p>But I turned out okay. I worked. I went to college. I never got into serious trouble. I am responsible.</p><p></p><p>And then there is this lovely outcome for a young screamer:</p><p>This is truly amazing. I knew she was doing well. But this is a marvel.</p><p></p><p>Don't you think that there are people, maybe they are feeling types, as in the myers briggs, who get overstimulated in moments, who when they are children and young people just do not have the coping strategies, language, or behavioral control to deal with stress? (And that, while unfortunately in a few of us, that personality failing can continue to an unseemly age, the majority outgrow it.)</p><p></p><p>You know. I was just re-reading your post. My Dad left when I was 8, when my parents divorced. Which is a parallel with your daughter. And there was a lot of stress for me in the years before he left.</p><p></p><p>What is she like socially? Is she involved in activities? What about school?</p><p></p><p>Have you heard of the book <u>The Explosive Child?</u> I think the author is Ross. Many parents have found it quite useful. I believe I read a book called <u>The Highly Sensitive Child.</u> The concept here is that there are children who have a constellation of characteristics involving temperament, experience, etc. who are prone to act in a way that looks oppositional, but that has to do more with over-stimulation, sensitivity, a predilection to an excess in feeling, etc. And not necessarily having to do with their acting out or acting against. That it feels opposition to us, because it is so noxious.</p><p></p><p>In any event, I hope you keep posting. It helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 738800, member: 18958"] You know, I am known to scream. I had not put this together. When I am overwhelmed, and in severe stress, and I cannot see a way to even think from one second to the next, I will scream. Oh. It does not happen often. But it does. M hates it. I did this in a Target superstore parking lot, when the hospital was pressuring me to put my mother on hospice and she did not want to die. I just stood there by some palms and I screamed. It helped. I expressed my pain. And powerlessness. I was able within minutes to begin to work to plan the next steps. Now. I am not sanctioning this as a behavioral strategy. But I am trying to look at it in a way where it is not necessarily so dire. What I am trying to say is she may be a highly intelligent, willful, and emotional child. With a great deal of potential. Who needs to and will grow into herself. Not all difficulties in development are the cause of pathology. Sometimes they are just growing pains. A child has not yet caught up to her strengths and potential. I do not remember if I screamed as a child or teen. I probably did. I do remember as a teen I banged my head against the wall. I did it because my MOTHER was so unreasonable. But I turned out okay. I worked. I went to college. I never got into serious trouble. I am responsible. And then there is this lovely outcome for a young screamer: This is truly amazing. I knew she was doing well. But this is a marvel. Don't you think that there are people, maybe they are feeling types, as in the myers briggs, who get overstimulated in moments, who when they are children and young people just do not have the coping strategies, language, or behavioral control to deal with stress? (And that, while unfortunately in a few of us, that personality failing can continue to an unseemly age, the majority outgrow it.) You know. I was just re-reading your post. My Dad left when I was 8, when my parents divorced. Which is a parallel with your daughter. And there was a lot of stress for me in the years before he left. What is she like socially? Is she involved in activities? What about school? Have you heard of the book [U]The Explosive Child?[/U] I think the author is Ross. Many parents have found it quite useful. I believe I read a book called [U]The Highly Sensitive Child.[/U] The concept here is that there are children who have a constellation of characteristics involving temperament, experience, etc. who are prone to act in a way that looks oppositional, but that has to do more with over-stimulation, sensitivity, a predilection to an excess in feeling, etc. And not necessarily having to do with their acting out or acting against. That it feels opposition to us, because it is so noxious. In any event, I hope you keep posting. It helps. [/QUOTE]
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