Realization and a bit of a vent

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mstang67chic, Mar 16, 2008.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I was, ahem..."venting" to husband today (poor guy, he gets quite the earful sometimes) and realized something.

    Here lately, difficult child hasn't been too bad. But as I posted yesterday, he's had another couple of acts of stupid. (Wrongly assumed a page a day calendar I forgot to lock up was his and decorated his walls with it. Also, destroyed a school library book) It was enough though to light my "I've HAD it" fuse. It's the same type of thing over and over and over since August of 1999 when he came to live with us. We tell him the same things over and over and over but he either doesn't or won't get it.

    For a while now, I've been at the point that, while I love him, I don't like him. Short of you guys, not too many people in my life can understand that. Today though, I realized what I can compare it to. Have you ever had an apartment with a good friend only to discover that you can't live with that person and maintain the level of friendship you had before living together? You still care about that person but if you have to spend one more minute with them you will go nuts. THAT'S how I am feeling currently about difficult child. I don't know if it's because we've been dealing with the same things for so long or because he's now 18 and technically I don't HAVE to put up with it or a combination of both. Either way I just want to chuck his scrawny backside out the door with his smelly clothes and tell him to have at it.

    Know what I mean?
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Why don't you ask him to leave? He is 18, and while it might take him a while, he WILL eventually get something together for a life. He will see the point in having a job, etc... if he has to provide for himself.

    Sometimes Tough Love is the best love we can provide.


  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Sounds to me like you just need a break from each other. If you spend 1 to 2 weeks apart and at the end of that break, you are still feeling like "I can't live with you", then another answer is due.
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    been there done that. It's still here.
  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I may be way off base here, but everytime I read a post about your difficult child, I get a nagging feeling that there's something going on in addition to BiPolar (BP). Has he ever been screened for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)? Was he exposed to alcohol in utero? Did he suffer abuse in the bio home or foster care system? The "not getting it over and over again" makes me think there's something more that is not explained by a mood disorder.
  6. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I've tried to get further testing over the years but no one will listen and we can't afford private testing. As for the time he was with egg I heard it, she quit drinking when she found out she was pregnant but continued to smoke pot. I'm not sure what level (so to speak) of abuse there was. As I understand it, the majority of the reasons ED lost the kids was to neglect. I'm sure there was physical abuse and exposure to sexual situations (ED wasn't too careful about where she "entertained" her various boyfriends) but I don't know to what it extent it was.

    He's supposed to be getting some testing through Voc. Rehab. I mentioned to one of the people to see if they could test for Autism spectrum. I've seen some things too that make me wonder sometimes. None of it is enough that I think he's all out diagnosable as some form of Autism but I wouldn't be surprised to find that he does register on the spectrum somewhere.

    I'm going to be calling his adult case manager and see if there are some other housing options for him. I have the feeling that it's going to be an issue this year, sooner rather than later.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    It sounds to me like you've got more going on than mere mood disorder, too. But even if it is autism or something else, you'll fine that eventually even knowing the "why" of it doesn't make a difference. It still gets old to deal with day in and day out with an adult.

  8. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I do know how you feel about not liking him. This morning I was thinking (as I was listening to him acting like the obnoxious little bugger that he ALWAYS is - woke brother and sister up a 4:30 am) only 9 more years. And you know, I almost made me feel better. Almost.

    Not to make light of your situation, but don't you find it ironic that he's messed up that book with the "Got Milk?" ads on his bedroom walls and your avatar is, um, a cow? Hee-hee, snort, uh-hem. sorry!