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Realizations are hard to deal with
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 177177" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Colleen, </p><p> </p><p>I was going to say what Trinity told you - Take the thing back - and exchange it for some other lock at some other store. I used to make keys - and that's all I'll say 'bout that. But Trinity is VERY right. </p><p> </p><p>Don't you just want to pick him up and shake him till his teeth fall out? ARGHHHHHH. </p><p> </p><p>I think the hardest thing I had to learn in parenting classes with therapy was taking the EMOTION out of my responses. I had to learn how to respond to my son with the attitude that he was SOMEONE I barely knew - and these are the rules and this is the consequence END OF STORY. </p><p> </p><p>I said it, I mean it , it's DONE. No further discussion. </p><p> </p><p>You punch a hole in my wall? Yup - there's a hole, and HERE is my cell phone coming out of my pocket and what's this? I'm not talking to you, I'm not telling you WHO I AM CALLING - And then "I need the police at XX address bcause my son is out of control and punched holes in my wall, thank you, yes I'll hold." Cop gets there - Do I want to press charges? Look at child - that is NOT my child - YES - I called you, I want him gone. </p><p>END OF DRAMA. </p><p> </p><p>Now writing this - and DOING this are two totally different scenes. BUT TELLING you I can do this and DOING it NOW? VERY REAL. </p><p> </p><p>It's like you have this shadow cloak your entire parental being and you say I REALLY AM TIRED OF THIS KRAP - NOW HOW DO I RESPOND to these situations? And you learn - YOU adopt a behavior pattern of 1.) I will do what I say - no more empty threats 2.) My business is my business - yours is yours and I'll help you but only if you help yourself 3.) I'm NOT bailing you out period - no more - learn to be adult. 4.) When you do things that UPSET me in MY HOME irregardless of if I love you - you WILL NOT live here any longer - where you go is on you - you knew the rules you are now gone. Kinda like a tenant in a motel mentality. If you owned a motel and the tenants did things like your kid did to your home - would you HESITATE even a minute to throw them out and tell them they were not welcome back? </p><p> </p><p>Keep going to your meetings, keep posting here - it's healthy and helpful......and find some time for you that YOU ABSOLUTELY do NOT allow your son to cross into, consume, bother - and find a way to rid yourself for those moments of any incoming thoughts about him - STOP THEM - and think of something else - even if it is just for 30 minutes a day - </p><p> </p><p>Lock your bedroom door at night. Find a boring book, don't eat anything after 9 PM and get yourself to the doctor for a check up - maybe all that's gone on you would benefit from some type of relaxer or anti-depressant? Talk to your doctor. Stress is a killer. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p><p> </p><p>and take that lock back - and DO NOT show him the one that you get to replace it. And check windows - and all ways into the house - when he moves out - alert the neighbors. </p><p> </p><p>We had a great thread about what to do to prevent kids from breaking into your house - but if you can't find it - you'll get LOADS of suggestions from us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 177177, member: 4964"] Colleen, I was going to say what Trinity told you - Take the thing back - and exchange it for some other lock at some other store. I used to make keys - and that's all I'll say 'bout that. But Trinity is VERY right. Don't you just want to pick him up and shake him till his teeth fall out? ARGHHHHHH. I think the hardest thing I had to learn in parenting classes with therapy was taking the EMOTION out of my responses. I had to learn how to respond to my son with the attitude that he was SOMEONE I barely knew - and these are the rules and this is the consequence END OF STORY. I said it, I mean it , it's DONE. No further discussion. You punch a hole in my wall? Yup - there's a hole, and HERE is my cell phone coming out of my pocket and what's this? I'm not talking to you, I'm not telling you WHO I AM CALLING - And then "I need the police at XX address bcause my son is out of control and punched holes in my wall, thank you, yes I'll hold." Cop gets there - Do I want to press charges? Look at child - that is NOT my child - YES - I called you, I want him gone. END OF DRAMA. Now writing this - and DOING this are two totally different scenes. BUT TELLING you I can do this and DOING it NOW? VERY REAL. It's like you have this shadow cloak your entire parental being and you say I REALLY AM TIRED OF THIS KRAP - NOW HOW DO I RESPOND to these situations? And you learn - YOU adopt a behavior pattern of 1.) I will do what I say - no more empty threats 2.) My business is my business - yours is yours and I'll help you but only if you help yourself 3.) I'm NOT bailing you out period - no more - learn to be adult. 4.) When you do things that UPSET me in MY HOME irregardless of if I love you - you WILL NOT live here any longer - where you go is on you - you knew the rules you are now gone. Kinda like a tenant in a motel mentality. If you owned a motel and the tenants did things like your kid did to your home - would you HESITATE even a minute to throw them out and tell them they were not welcome back? Keep going to your meetings, keep posting here - it's healthy and helpful......and find some time for you that YOU ABSOLUTELY do NOT allow your son to cross into, consume, bother - and find a way to rid yourself for those moments of any incoming thoughts about him - STOP THEM - and think of something else - even if it is just for 30 minutes a day - Lock your bedroom door at night. Find a boring book, don't eat anything after 9 PM and get yourself to the doctor for a check up - maybe all that's gone on you would benefit from some type of relaxer or anti-depressant? Talk to your doctor. Stress is a killer. Hugs Star and take that lock back - and DO NOT show him the one that you get to replace it. And check windows - and all ways into the house - when he moves out - alert the neighbors. We had a great thread about what to do to prevent kids from breaking into your house - but if you can't find it - you'll get LOADS of suggestions from us. [/QUOTE]
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