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Really Cruddy Day
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 476744" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Lisa - like Malika said - you have been so strong through all of this. Now all of reality is hitting you like a Tsunamia - and it feels unbearable. Really it is unbearable - we just don't have a choice whether or not to bear it.</p><p></p><p>I was just thinking today about how impossible death is. It seems the ripple effects continue forever. You don't just have the feelings of grief from the loved one's death, but you have all the physical real world implications that pile up faster than you can take them down. I watched my Mom do this when my Dad passed - and I tried to help. Yet, in helping her, I put my life on hold - as well as geographically relocating - so now I am feeling the endless weight of reality. I moved my whole life, and put my career on hold to help my Dad pass on - and now, like you - I have more things to "fix" or "do" more than I can wrap my brain around. I often forget it is because of my Dad dying that this all started - and then I remember it is <em>really</em> because H died - that I absolutely had to stop my life for my Dad (did I <em>really</em>?). Life is now this huge relentless waterfall of manure, that seems to be constantly demanding my attention - and I am with you - TIRED. DONE. FINITO.</p><p></p><p>And then you add in difficult children, and in your case grandkids - geez. My difficult child is making progress - but at 21 he really is like a 16 yo. Constant issues and fires that need to be handled. And to think we have lived our whole adult lives like this really - in the eye of <em>their </em>storm.</p><p></p><p>I know, I am not being too uplifting - sorry - but I guess I just needed you to know I <em>get it.</em> I cried when I read your post, because you could be me. You wrote everything that I am feeling - or have felt. I would do anything to have a magic answer - but I don't. The only thing I can say is - you are NOT alone. This too will pass. Take the time you need for YOU....and grieve. Tell Nichole that you cannot babysit right now - tell everyone that you are per-disposed for awhile, and let yourself heal. I am sending you a thousand hugs......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 476744, member: 3301"] Lisa - like Malika said - you have been so strong through all of this. Now all of reality is hitting you like a Tsunamia - and it feels unbearable. Really it is unbearable - we just don't have a choice whether or not to bear it. I was just thinking today about how impossible death is. It seems the ripple effects continue forever. You don't just have the feelings of grief from the loved one's death, but you have all the physical real world implications that pile up faster than you can take them down. I watched my Mom do this when my Dad passed - and I tried to help. Yet, in helping her, I put my life on hold - as well as geographically relocating - so now I am feeling the endless weight of reality. I moved my whole life, and put my career on hold to help my Dad pass on - and now, like you - I have more things to "fix" or "do" more than I can wrap my brain around. I often forget it is because of my Dad dying that this all started - and then I remember it is [I]really[/I] because H died - that I absolutely had to stop my life for my Dad (did I [I]really[/I]?). Life is now this huge relentless waterfall of manure, that seems to be constantly demanding my attention - and I am with you - TIRED. DONE. FINITO. And then you add in difficult children, and in your case grandkids - geez. My difficult child is making progress - but at 21 he really is like a 16 yo. Constant issues and fires that need to be handled. And to think we have lived our whole adult lives like this really - in the eye of [I]their [/I]storm. I know, I am not being too uplifting - sorry - but I guess I just needed you to know I [I]get it.[/I] I cried when I read your post, because you could be me. You wrote everything that I am feeling - or have felt. I would do anything to have a magic answer - but I don't. The only thing I can say is - you are NOT alone. This too will pass. Take the time you need for YOU....and grieve. Tell Nichole that you cannot babysit right now - tell everyone that you are per-disposed for awhile, and let yourself heal. I am sending you a thousand hugs...... [/QUOTE]
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