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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 575646" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>PG please know that I care about you and respect you and would never say anything that I thought would upset you and so I hesitate to respond and almost didn't. Neither your difficult child or the boyfriend is ready or capable of taking care of a baby in their current condition. This same scenario is played out in so many families every day and it is a heartbreak for all involved. First I agree that you need to step back. This is their life to handle and handle it they must. If they are having a baby together they better figure out what they are going to do and how they are going to get along for the baby's sake.</p><p></p><p>Next I believe it is time for your difficult child to honestly look at her options and do it quickly. Are you willing to have her come home and you raise the baby? You said your husband will not allow that. You know if you take her back home that is exactly what will happen. You will never be able to put her out of the house. The likelihood of staying clean until the birth is very slim. And even if she does there is a good chance she will relapse after the birth. I just do not think having a baby is going to be the impetus for her to get clean and stay clean. Everything is screaming out that this is not a good situation. Is she willing to think about adoption?</p><p></p><p>I'm going to speak from my heart now and hope you understand what I am saying. My husband and I adopted our daughter. Her bm was in much the same position as your difficult child although I don't believe she was using drugs but I do know she was an alocholic who had been in treatment and did drink while she was pregnant. Our difficult child did not deserve the baggage that she was born with and forced to carry throughout her life. As much as my husband and I tried to undo the harm caused we could not. She just told me the other day that every day she thinks of at least three different ways she can die. She is tormented in so many ways. She is not happy and has no peace and it breaks our heart. We gave her a loving stable environment and anything she could want and every opportunity available yet she did not have the genetic makeup to take advantage of any of it. She could not overcome what she was born with. She continues to make poor choice after poor choice. There is a good possibility she will end up living on the street at some point. husband and I are not young and we will not be here to rescue her, nor do we want to play that role anymore. We are tired and worn out and our hearts cannot stand further heartbreak.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what the answer is for your difficult child but she needs to start looking at her options and deciding what she is going to do. And you need to be clear about the role you will play in all of this. She needs someone to talk to other than family, she needs counseling to help her figure this out. She is no more stable now than she was a month ago when she had bullets flying over her head. She may not be using right now but her thought process is still in the same place. And you are being torn just like you were back then.</p><p></p><p>As always, you are in my thoughts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 575646, member: 59"] PG please know that I care about you and respect you and would never say anything that I thought would upset you and so I hesitate to respond and almost didn't. Neither your difficult child or the boyfriend is ready or capable of taking care of a baby in their current condition. This same scenario is played out in so many families every day and it is a heartbreak for all involved. First I agree that you need to step back. This is their life to handle and handle it they must. If they are having a baby together they better figure out what they are going to do and how they are going to get along for the baby's sake. Next I believe it is time for your difficult child to honestly look at her options and do it quickly. Are you willing to have her come home and you raise the baby? You said your husband will not allow that. You know if you take her back home that is exactly what will happen. You will never be able to put her out of the house. The likelihood of staying clean until the birth is very slim. And even if she does there is a good chance she will relapse after the birth. I just do not think having a baby is going to be the impetus for her to get clean and stay clean. Everything is screaming out that this is not a good situation. Is she willing to think about adoption? I'm going to speak from my heart now and hope you understand what I am saying. My husband and I adopted our daughter. Her bm was in much the same position as your difficult child although I don't believe she was using drugs but I do know she was an alocholic who had been in treatment and did drink while she was pregnant. Our difficult child did not deserve the baggage that she was born with and forced to carry throughout her life. As much as my husband and I tried to undo the harm caused we could not. She just told me the other day that every day she thinks of at least three different ways she can die. She is tormented in so many ways. She is not happy and has no peace and it breaks our heart. We gave her a loving stable environment and anything she could want and every opportunity available yet she did not have the genetic makeup to take advantage of any of it. She could not overcome what she was born with. She continues to make poor choice after poor choice. There is a good possibility she will end up living on the street at some point. husband and I are not young and we will not be here to rescue her, nor do we want to play that role anymore. We are tired and worn out and our hearts cannot stand further heartbreak. I don't know what the answer is for your difficult child but she needs to start looking at her options and deciding what she is going to do. And you need to be clear about the role you will play in all of this. She needs someone to talk to other than family, she needs counseling to help her figure this out. She is no more stable now than she was a month ago when she had bullets flying over her head. She may not be using right now but her thought process is still in the same place. And you are being torn just like you were back then. As always, you are in my thoughts. [/QUOTE]
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