Hi, and welcome...
First... this is not the result of bad parenting.
Not that most of us can't learn a few things, but... that isn't the "cause".
As you already know (we call that "mommy gut"), your kids have challenges - and you don't know what they are.
Getting evaluations is critical.
You may even want to go beyond school evaluations, and get a comprehensive evaluation done outside of the school system.
Most of "our" kids don't even just have one diagnosis... and often, one or more dxes are incorrect, or we go a lot of years before we get all of them. It is a process.
Meanwhile... if you want some ideas that have helped some of us? See if you can get your hands on "The Explosive Child" by Ross Green. It's an alternative view about our challenging kids, and a different way to approach things. For my own family... the techniques were only moderately successful. But the "mindset" was a major shift - and helped immensely! As did "the list"... of many of the unmet needs "our" kids have.
