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General Parenting
Really struggling with mother in law and father in law and need some advice
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 366386" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think most of us have had to deal with someone like that in our lives. Whether they like it or not, it IS okay to draw a boundary and enforce it. Tell them that while their support would be appreciated it is not necessary and you do not need their permission to parent your child the way you choose to. If they want to argue (I am always amazed at the ways relatives think they can control us, even though we are adults.) tell them one time that the matter is not open for discussion. Period. If they continue, change the subject or leave. If they still try to punish your difficult child don't take him there. </p><p></p><p>This is one of those less pleasant things about being in a family. It would be very helpful if your husband was on your side, but if he isn't you can still work to minimize your difficult child's exposure to them. I am quite sure that difficult child probably will not miss them. in my opinion being a grandparent is about enjoying your grandkids with-o the responsibilities of discipline, etc... Maybe someday they will change and be more of the cheerleader/bend the rules a little bit type of grandparents.</p><p></p><p>Spanking your difficult child or allowing him to be at the mercy of someone who will spank him would be a HUGE mistake. Often difficult children do not see adults as authority figures. For some reason they see them as equals who are bigger. Spanking teaches difficult children that if you are bigger and someone won't do what you want, you hit them until they do. Most parents here who have tried spanking (usually at the advice of some well-intentioned but wrong relative or friend or even therapist) have found that it causes HUGE problems. It can take a LONG time to unlearn the "might makes right" lesson a spanking or three can teach.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 366386, member: 1233"] I think most of us have had to deal with someone like that in our lives. Whether they like it or not, it IS okay to draw a boundary and enforce it. Tell them that while their support would be appreciated it is not necessary and you do not need their permission to parent your child the way you choose to. If they want to argue (I am always amazed at the ways relatives think they can control us, even though we are adults.) tell them one time that the matter is not open for discussion. Period. If they continue, change the subject or leave. If they still try to punish your difficult child don't take him there. This is one of those less pleasant things about being in a family. It would be very helpful if your husband was on your side, but if he isn't you can still work to minimize your difficult child's exposure to them. I am quite sure that difficult child probably will not miss them. in my opinion being a grandparent is about enjoying your grandkids with-o the responsibilities of discipline, etc... Maybe someday they will change and be more of the cheerleader/bend the rules a little bit type of grandparents. Spanking your difficult child or allowing him to be at the mercy of someone who will spank him would be a HUGE mistake. Often difficult children do not see adults as authority figures. For some reason they see them as equals who are bigger. Spanking teaches difficult children that if you are bigger and someone won't do what you want, you hit them until they do. Most parents here who have tried spanking (usually at the advice of some well-intentioned but wrong relative or friend or even therapist) have found that it causes HUGE problems. It can take a LONG time to unlearn the "might makes right" lesson a spanking or three can teach. [/QUOTE]
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Really struggling with mother in law and father in law and need some advice
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