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General Parenting
Really struggling with mother in law and father in law and need some advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 366396" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>If they are constantly punishing him then by all means do not take him there. Tell them outright, "That does not work! Let ME do any disciplining and if YOU can not learn how to work with my child on OUR terms then he does not need to be at your home without me along." I have finally told the first part to my neighbor who difficult child does not listen to and will rebel against if she tries telling him anything. She is not doing anything that I would not disagree with other kids but her methods of discussing does not fly with my child. At one time years ago when I was having an issue, she said, "Well, experts say ........." That tells me that she is "going by the book" in her disciplining and has not realized that the "the book" does not work for every kid. </p><p> </p><p>You have learned that your difficult child needs creative out-of-the-box disciplining. Grandparents are probably the hardest to deal with since they are such a huge part of your child's life. My mother in law use to tell my diva when she was a baby/toddler, "What your mom doesn't know won't hurt her." Angers me to no end - it is really a huge part of diva's disprespect toward me! I need to know EVERYTHING in my toddler's, young child's life to be the best parent I can be and to guide him/her through life. Our children would be much more respectful if EVERYONE in their lives would uphold OUR (their parents) wishes. Tell them that, "Yes, there are different view points in bringing up a child but only one can be followed or the child will be confused and lose respect for authority. That one way to be followed is the parent's choice to make, not the grandparents. If the grandparents don't like something, they need to close their eyes, ears, and mouth. If they can not conform to the rules the parents have set up, they need to limit their visits."</p><p> </p><p>Your difficult child is not going to want to go to his grandparents if he knows he just faces punishment for every little thing he does. I would tell them that also. Grandparents are to be a place where the child feels happy and loved, not shamed by being punished.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 366396, member: 5096"] If they are constantly punishing him then by all means do not take him there. Tell them outright, "That does not work! Let ME do any disciplining and if YOU can not learn how to work with my child on OUR terms then he does not need to be at your home without me along." I have finally told the first part to my neighbor who difficult child does not listen to and will rebel against if she tries telling him anything. She is not doing anything that I would not disagree with other kids but her methods of discussing does not fly with my child. At one time years ago when I was having an issue, she said, "Well, experts say ........." That tells me that she is "going by the book" in her disciplining and has not realized that the "the book" does not work for every kid. You have learned that your difficult child needs creative out-of-the-box disciplining. Grandparents are probably the hardest to deal with since they are such a huge part of your child's life. My mother in law use to tell my diva when she was a baby/toddler, "What your mom doesn't know won't hurt her." Angers me to no end - it is really a huge part of diva's disprespect toward me! I need to know EVERYTHING in my toddler's, young child's life to be the best parent I can be and to guide him/her through life. Our children would be much more respectful if EVERYONE in their lives would uphold OUR (their parents) wishes. Tell them that, "Yes, there are different view points in bringing up a child but only one can be followed or the child will be confused and lose respect for authority. That one way to be followed is the parent's choice to make, not the grandparents. If the grandparents don't like something, they need to close their eyes, ears, and mouth. If they can not conform to the rules the parents have set up, they need to limit their visits." Your difficult child is not going to want to go to his grandparents if he knows he just faces punishment for every little thing he does. I would tell them that also. Grandparents are to be a place where the child feels happy and loved, not shamed by being punished. [/QUOTE]
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Really struggling with mother in law and father in law and need some advice
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