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General Parenting
Really struggling with mother in law and father in law and need some advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 366490" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Fran is right - stop talking to your inlaws about the details. Also, do not leave your child alone with them. YOU are the parent, your rules hold. If your child transgresses in teir home, then by all means make it clear that grandma's rules were broken. But grandma's punishment has to be approved by you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Don't actually do this. But certainly suggest it. Especially for spectrum kids, they see everyone as equal. Kids and adults- equal. So an adult spanking a child means a child is permitted to spank an adult.</p><p></p><p>Also make it loud and clear - "Do not undermine my authority in front of my children. Would you have stood for that when you were parents?"</p><p></p><p>I've been there with this, with friends and family both. The answer is to not give them ammunition and if they persist, tell them straight out - "We want the children to know their grandparents, but our family consistency in discipline must come first. If you cannot follow our rules, we cannot bring the children over to see you as often as we all would like. Your choice."</p><p></p><p>Also, where do the clashes happen? On your turf? Their turf? Or neutral ground? Wherever it is, avoid that location until the inlaws get the message.</p><p></p><p>Also tell yourself - difficult child-ness must have come from somewhere. Inlaws provide genetic material also. So maybe they can't cope with the change in upbringing methods, and are being obstinate about trying to force you to adopt their outmoded and discredited methods.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 366490, member: 1991"] Fran is right - stop talking to your inlaws about the details. Also, do not leave your child alone with them. YOU are the parent, your rules hold. If your child transgresses in teir home, then by all means make it clear that grandma's rules were broken. But grandma's punishment has to be approved by you. Don't actually do this. But certainly suggest it. Especially for spectrum kids, they see everyone as equal. Kids and adults- equal. So an adult spanking a child means a child is permitted to spank an adult. Also make it loud and clear - "Do not undermine my authority in front of my children. Would you have stood for that when you were parents?" I've been there with this, with friends and family both. The answer is to not give them ammunition and if they persist, tell them straight out - "We want the children to know their grandparents, but our family consistency in discipline must come first. If you cannot follow our rules, we cannot bring the children over to see you as often as we all would like. Your choice." Also, where do the clashes happen? On your turf? Their turf? Or neutral ground? Wherever it is, avoid that location until the inlaws get the message. Also tell yourself - difficult child-ness must have come from somewhere. Inlaws provide genetic material also. So maybe they can't cope with the change in upbringing methods, and are being obstinate about trying to force you to adopt their outmoded and discredited methods. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Really struggling with mother in law and father in law and need some advice
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