Really worried

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Wiped Out, Oct 1, 2008.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    about easy child right now. She seems very depressed, more so than usual. She seems to find no joy in life. On the weekends all she wants to do is sleep. Last week one night she stayed up very late and then the next night fell asleep doing home work. We have tried to explain over and over again how this is a cycle she gets into.

    This weekend she stayed with my niece and slept most of the time (though she did watch part of the game and joked around a bit). Sunday night she was wide awake, couldn't sleep, very chatty, seemed somewhat happy. She was awake til after one in the morning. I told her she needed to be sure all of her homework was in this week so she could go to homecoming.

    The next day she came home from school, told husband she didn't have anyone to go to homecoming with, some of her friends were going with a girl she doesn't like so she wasn't going to go with them. Monday night she fell asleep very early, I'm quite sure her homework wasn't done. The next morning she didn't get up to get ready for school (very unusual for her). husband and difficult child were home sick too (easy child she was sick, I'm not so sure). husband said she did hw most of the day.

    She pretty much stayed in her room. At one point last night I saw her just sitting on the floor in the middle of her room surrounded by dirty clothes. When I asked what she was doing, she quietly replied she was sitting. I tried to talk to her. husband tried but she just wouldn't say much. She sat there for about 20 minutes.

    She is always fairly quiet but has barely said two words today. She did tell husband she is going to homecoming with one of the other cheerleaders now.

    Since it was payday we let easy child pick a restaurant. She picked her favorite but barely spoke unless spoken to and then really quietly. Her answer for everything is "fine", "I don't care", "o.k."

    She came home and went right to her room. When the dog got out tonight she seemed to not even care (she loves that dog). and wouldn't stay downstairs while we went to look for it. I tried to get her to come down and be around some people while she does her hw but she replied, "she doesn't want to be around people."

    She did see the pediatrician today for a medication check. He agrees it is time for her to see a psychiatrist and try to get a better balance of medications. I will be calling some psychiatrists tomorrow. I'm just very worried. I hate seeing her so sad and there seems to be nothing we can do to get her out of this place. Even with husband she isn't opening up as much as usual.

    Any ideas or suggestions on things to try? Please keep a good thought.

    Maybe I'm just overworried and it's just a funk she is going through?
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I don't know Sharon, it just seems like she's displaying a lot of the classic signs of depression. Somethings running through her head and I pity anyone who's got to try to get through all the TTeenage Angst.

    Why not see if she wants to go shopping for a dress for homecoming (just the two of you) and sit and talk over lunch or something? Either way, I'd keep looking into a psychiatrist.

    I'll keep you both in my prayers!

  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Does she have her own therapist?

    I would keep trying to keep her involved...invite friends over if she doesn't want to go anywhere - but only if it's not going to overly upset her. I wouldn't add any stress over homework, etc. At times like these, mental and/or physical health has to take priority.

    I would talk to her teachers to see if they've noticed any change in her behavior at school.

    This is hard. I've been through severe depression and I really don't have much to offer. It presents so differently in each person and each person responds to interventions differently, but it really sounds like she is very despondent. I'd get more help ASAP.

  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Any chance there is something going on at school you haven't caught wind of? Teens have a tendency to dwell. I was just wondering if she was having an issue with another student or group of students, maybe that's what's bothering her and she's uncomfortable talking about it?

    I think doctor may be right though. If she's not improving, sounds like a good idea to go the therapist ect route to get to the bottom of it.

    It's hard watching a child goe thru this sort of thing.

  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    My guess would be she is upset about homecoming. She is seeing her favorite friends enjoy this week with someone she doesn't want to be around and is feeling left out. Even though she is going with another friend, that was not her 1st choice and when you are 15 your 2nd choice falls far behind.

    Maybe she thought her friends would try to encourage her to come and when they did not, she felt betrayed? She is watching them make plans for the week, giggling, having fun and she is not with them because she choose to avoid one of the girls. Hard for girls to "tolerate" each other in order for everyone to have a good time.
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Any chance she has mono?
  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    You know, just being a teen is tough. At fifteen she is at such an awkward age. She's no longer a kid, not quite an adult. That alone is depressing. I think seeing a therapist might be the key here. Does she have another adult she will open up to: an aunt, older cousin, family friend? Teens often don't want to tell parents what is bothering them out of shame, fear of failure, fear of disappointing them even if that fear is unfounded. Even the toughest of kids really want their parents to thing everything is okay. Hugs. I know it hurts when you see your child hurting.
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member


    Im sorry you are upset, it's hard when their teenagers and go through bouts of shutting us down and shutting us out.

    I've gone through this with my oldest who will be 16 in may. I tried to talk to her, even brought her to doctor thinking depression, etc. she was exhibiting same exact stuff you just listed especially the sitting in middle of room around dirty clothes when asked what are you doing, response same, "im sitting".

    what i did was she fought it really hard i'd go in her room and lay with her, she sat on the floor around the dirty clothes so i laid on the floor infront of her didn't say much. she thought i was insane. then another day she was up same till 1 a.m. next day in bed most of day i went up to her room and just quietly laid next to her in bed. i had learned not to talk to her alot or pry. i just kept getting in her space here and there, then one day after those attempts i went to the store picked up her favorite thing Occupational Therapist (OT) bake she's a baker, your daughter i'm sure has some something she enjoys and i literally forced her to do it with me. That's where it began to turn around. yup with a cupcake, funny huh...??

    took alot of work since then, she seems alot better. yet alot of teenagers' whether difficult child or not go through such horrifying times as teens. whenever i see mine doing the sleeping till 4 in afternoon thing again i start the same exact thing all over again.......

    i guess i had to learn to stop forcing myself on her in a way which she did not want even if it's what i thought was right, and just become part of her space. slowly ever so slowly she began to open up and even if she didn't talk to me there were days she just cried on my shoulder and i assured her i'm always here for her no matter what.

    good luck, i know it isn't easy. it's good though that she went out to dinner, ok she didn't engage as much as you would of liked but she was there, and she chose restaraunt. your a good mom.
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Beth-She is getting her hair done Saturday which will take a few hours (and hopefully help her feel better). She has a dressed picked out. I'm trying to spend special time with her but she is so busy with hw, cheering, and tired she rarely will do anything else. Thanks for the prayers.

    Heather-Thanks for the ideas, we do try to keep her involved. She doesn't like to have friends over partly I think because of difficult child and partly is I think most of her friends have way fancier places. She has always had a problem with friends as far as she hangs with a lot at school and now that she is older on the computer but rarely actually does things. It's like pulling teeth to get her to do things.

    Lisa-I've wondered too if something happened at school. She hasn't opened up about anything with husband or me.

    Adrianne-You're probably right that part of it is homecoming. Wish she would have gone with the first group, there all nice girls although I'm sure the girl she is going with is nice too.

    TM-Mono I hadn't thought of but maybe?

    Everywoman-She does have a therapist who seems concerned with her depression and she doesn't even know about the most recent stuff. easy child is really close with husband and right now she is shutting down even with him.

    Jennifer-Funny you said you just sat with her. That's what I did for a bit the other night, I was surprised she allowed me in her space. I wasn't sure if she was too tired to fight me being there, she wanted me there or she just didn't care.

    I'm really hoping after homecoming is over she improves some but will still call a psychiatrist as she really does seem overall depressed. The interesting thing is through all of this her grades are higher than ever. I checked them out on line last night and she is doing really well.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Just wanted to send {{{HUGS}}}. Others have given great advice and it sounds like you are working on a plan, so I'm just sending support!!
  11. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Do you think she cycles? The staying up late then sleeping a lot would start to concern me.
    Having her on a schedule might answer some questions. Of course, if she is depressed being forced to do anything would be difficult for her to follow through with.
    Teens are difficult that's for sure. Part little kid, part young lady.
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Just lending support. You've gotten some great ideas and I can see why you're worried. You seem to be on top of it.
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    KLMNO-Thanks for the support!

    Fran-Yes, I do think she cycles. We've tried to get her on a schedule but she just won't follow one.

    Terry-Thanks for the support.

    I did call and make an appointment. with a psychiatrist. It is the morning of the 13th.

    She did seem in a bit more of a better mood today (of course, anything would be an improvement). She just doesn't ever seem actually happy.

    On the homecoming front, it looks like she is going with the original group of girls along with the other girl who she decided to go with. She said one of the girls thought she was going with them all along. At least I think that helped her some.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending LOTS of support to both of you.

    PLEASE take her to have a checkup before she sees the psychiatrist. OFTEN physical symptoms can create depression. So make sure she is healthy, including blood work for thyroid, mono, and any other things you think may be needed. (I will say that the thyroid medications really helped my depression for QUITE a while).

    Also, she is on fluoxetine according to your sig. That is prozac, and may need to be adjusted. PLEASE don't go with effexor. It can be great, but should NOT be an early choice simply because it can have SO many side effects and such a terrible withdrawal. I have been there. So has Wiz. We both feel this way.

    Watch that the vyvanse isn't causing any depression, just htought of that.

    Is there a correlation between her periods and any cycles or her depression? If they suggest PMDD, remember that Sarafem is prozac is fluoxetine, so don't let them "change" her to that unless they change the dosage or something.

    Glad she is going to homecoming, and with all the girls.

    Last edited: Oct 2, 2008
  15. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i'm glad she is going to get her hair done and is going to the homecoming afterall with the original group. yet calling dr. was a good choice indeed. i know what you mean when they get older you actually start having to check yourself as a parent thinking hmm ok is she approachable now? it's so different than when their little and they always want you.

    does she have any boys that she likes? has she spoken of any? i caught my older one crying one night and moping for like two weeks over a boy! so scary. she wouldn't admit it but i have to admit i'm a snooper so i gained my knowledge via scraps of paper on her floor......... i call it "caring" not snooping :)
  16. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Susie-Thanks for the good ideas. She just saw the pediatrician for a physical last month and also for the medication check up yesterday. At the physical I did ask for a vitamin D check but he felt she didn't need it. I'm still not so sure. Now I wish I had asked for the other blood work as well. I don't think it's the Vyvanse as she was on the anti-depressants long before starting the Vyvanse but it could be contributing to it. I will be sure to stay away from the Effexor. I do think it is somewhat to her periods.

    Jen-I don't think it's a boy thing right now but could be. Mostly she just has tons of friends that are boys, no current boyfriends that I know of but who is to say?
  17. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    was there a breakup recently? Or maybe a crush that fell through? I would consider some melatonin at night to get her back on schedule "sleep wise" and maybe a multi with iron. A physical couldn't hurt if she's do.
  18. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sharon, stimulants like Vyvanse can cause depression over time so it's possible even if she's on an SSRI. Furthermore, if she cycles, you may be looking at something beyond straight depression.
  19. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I was thinking the Cycling thing as a red flag also... If I were you I would keep notes/journal as best as you can if she is up late or up early. Keep track of the times when she is down, or sleeping. Times etc. Also try to pinpoint when this started. So you have a reference point, could be seasonal, September slumps... (October also) This is much more prevalent in areas like where you are.
    I know for me, I don't really want to talk when someone asks me questions, when I am down. But if someone is just with me, it feels good. If I am just lying in bed or on the floor or the couch, if someone's presence is felt, it sort of relaxes me without adding more anxiety or stress. Talking makes it worse at times, trying to get clear what is going on in my head, it gets more confusing and chaotic when I try to think.
    The comforting *no pressure* touch and "I am here when and if you need me" means so much.
    Sometimes when I am questioned too much it makes me angry and makes my head feel like it is going to explode or cave in. But then it will clear for a while or completely and I can talk and say, how I feel empty or afraid or confused...

    I am sorry she is having a hard time... I agree about continue looking for a doctor.
  20. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    You've already been given great advice and I know you're totally on top of things. I just want to let you know I'm thinking of you too.

    Hugs, WFEN